There's An App for THAT?!

  I am the proud owner and user/abuser of the iPhone 5.  And I've got to admit that I am pretty damn addicted to it.  I use it for everything!  I use it to read books, pay for my Starbucks, play games, etc.  One day, I was at an event and noted that I didn't have a lighter to hold up while a certain Motley Crue song was playing.  So a friend of mine suggested I get the Lighter App for my phone.  So, what do I do?  I downloaded the fucking thing!  Yeah, now instead of holding up an actual lighter, I hold up my phone with the Lighter App going.  Then, a day later, it came to me:  What kind of Apps are being created to replace the acutal physical things? 

  With the creation of the iPhone, the Droid, Blackberry, we are now downloading Apps, or Applications, to replace (in a sense!) things that we usually do in the physical sense.  For example, we used to have to approach the Check In Counter at the Airport in order to get on a flight.  Now, with Apps, you have your ticket barcode on hand that you can scan into a machine and board your plane.  I will admit I did this...ONCE!  Why only the one time?  Because I did not want to rely on my phone the entire time.  I mean, what if it ran out of power or I forgot it, right?  I never leave the house without the following:  My Driver's License, my Passport and my Sanity.  In that order!  So my phone is on the bottom of that priority list because the first two guarantees my seat on the plane.  Enough said!

  There is an App for everything nowadays.  Cooking, Entertainment, Paranormal Research and that little twinge of pain you get when you twist your ankle too far to the left.  The possibilities are becoming endless with Apps.  I now ask you, the readers, to go into your own smartphones and check the Apps that you have.  Looking at mine, I have Apps that make sense to ME.  I have Chase Mobile because I want to see if I can make it through the week.  I have Urbanspoon because if I am out of town and want something good to eat outside the hotel I want to know where the locals go.  I have ITC and iOvilus for Paranormal Research because I often leave my gear at home.  Lastly, I have my BDubs App because I can often be found at a Buffalo Wild Wings eating wings and drinking Guinness while cheering for a Baseball or Football team other than my beloved Mets and Giants. 

  I've got nothing against Apps, but I do have a problem with Apps that are starting to slowly replace things which we often do by hand.  What's next?  A Toilet Paper App?  Yeah, right!  They can do it, but it's not as good as replacing actual toilet paper.  I got it!  A Nose Picking App!  Good luck trying to shove your iPhone 4 or 5 up your nostrils!  That App won't fly!  Ah Ha!  I got a perfect App here!  An App that thinks and speaks for you!  That ought to be great!  An App that literally speaks and thinks in place of you!  You're a machine now!  Good luck replacing yourself! 

  Seriously, folks, minimize the number of Apps on your phone.  There are things that Apps cannot replace nor duplicate.  Nothing is better than doing it the Old-Fashioned way.  So, with that said, let's do it all the Old-Fashioned way.  Sex cannot be replaced by an App.  You cannot have sex with your iPhone!  The hole is nowhere near big enough.