Formerly Fat: My Journey from 325 to 175

  I was never the size I was now.  I might have been, but I have a vague memory of it.  I've always remembered myself being this overweight...thing.  Not even a person, a thing.  The person you see now was trapped inside this thing wanting to get out, but found herself repressed by food and low, low self-esteem.  Although I smiled and pretended I was okay, I was truly hurting.  Hurting badly.  Now, I want to take you on a journey.  Let me take you back to the year 1995 where it all began.

  That year, my grandfather died and his death devastated me.  It was then that I found solace in eating.  Now, I was already a little overweight and trying to lose weight already and already getting called fat by the other kids in school.  But, it got worse after his death.  And over the years, the more I ate the heavier I got and no boy would take a look at me.  After high school, it creeped over into my young adult years and then one day it came to a head.  I was on a ride at an amusement part and the carney couldn't fit me into my restraints so I got asked off the ride and got mooed at by others on my way down the stairs.

  Coming home that night, I locked myself inside my room with whatever food product I could get a hold of and began to stuff my face while sobbing.  Then, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror amidst the chip crumbs and tears.  Then I realized that this was not me.  Was I happy looking at this person?  Hell fucking no!  I saw a slight figure standing there looking at me and she was sad.  She had a pitiful look on her face and it was as if she was saying to me, "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life looking like this?  You are one beautiful person.  Stop it or you're going to die far too soon."  That was when I began my journey.

  My mother spoke with my doctor and it was decided that the best option for me was to undergo gastric by-pass surgery.  In addition, her insurance covered it at the time if it was decided I was morbidly obese, which I had become in medical terms.  Now, I know some of you out there are thinking, "You took the easy road!"  Hey, it was an easy road, but driving down that road I encountered a few pot holes, strange hitchhikers and other road blocks along the way.  Getting there was easy, but actually losing the weight was the proverbial pot holes.

  So, June 7, 2002, I went into the hospital and walked into the operating room.  Yeah, I wasn't wheeled in, I walked holding my gown from behind.  So, I barely got past 98 when I went into the Dark Side of the Moon and woke up to see flying pigs floating about the room and my grandma there fighting it out with the bitch in the bed next to me who had turned the heat on to Kilhauea standards leaving me in a pool of sweat.  Now, within months, I had dropped like 75 to 80 lbs and I got down to under a plus size and began to eat smaller and healthier portions.  I was doing great!

  Remember my previous paragraph about strange hitchhikers?  Well, one came along and I've talked about him in previous blog posts.  Yeah, the abusive son-of-a-bitch is my strange hitchhiker!  Because of his abusive ways, I gained back some of the weight and found myself back on the unhealthy Chain Gang again.  Then...well, you know what happened.  Long story short:  Exorcised the asshat out of my life and got back to eating healthy, cutting soda out as well as McDonald's. 

  And now, come June 7, 2012, it will be ten years since my journey began and on that day I wish to celebrate with all of you out there in the Paranormal world in some way, shape or form.  I want to thank each and every one of you in the Ghost Adventures/Darkness Radio world.  GAC Family, you know you're invited so don't ask!  And for those of you who wish to send positive words of encouragement and congratulations, whoever you are, whether via Facebook or Twitter or on this blog post. 

  Now, I've only shown this to a few people and it is on Facebook as well in my albums, so I thought I'd share it here on my blog.  I will post an "After" shot on June 7, 2012.  So, here is how I begin my journey.  Here is the "Before" picture.

This was taken in 2001 at Walt Disney World.  Weight at that time:  325 lbs.  This is where my journey began.

     

Tattoos Are A Beautiful Thing...In Some Cases

  In today's modern age, people are getting tattoos left, right and center.  Young and old alike are putting on stuff that has meaning to them or whatever they think is cool.  Some even put their kids' names on them or their mother's name, even pictures of their kids, grandkids or parents.  To me, that is a beautiful thing.  However, in some cases, some people get very irrational and rush into a tattoo that they would come to regret getting later in life. 

  Here are some examples I have come across over the years that I have found funny, but regretful.

  A friend of mine was dating this guy in middle school and it was passionate in a middle school kind of way.  So, one day, she came to school and her arm was covered.  When we asked her what happened, she took off the bandages and showed the name "Brian" ETCHED into her arm.  Now, naturally, our teacher freaks and sends her to the nurse.  At that time, I was like, "How can you be so stupid?!"  Needless to say, word spread throughout the school about her and this guy broke it off with her.  And now, to this day, that name is forever etched into her lower arm.  Lesson here:  Don't EVER etch nor tattoo your significant other's name into your skin because you never know when you're going to break up.

  Another instance of stupidity was a friend got the initials of her favorite boy band tattooed on her.  Now, in the late 90s, Backstreet Boys and Nsync were the top two boy bands.  Now being a young girl with a hormone surge that could be seen from Venus, I was crazy about the Backstreet Boys.  My friend was all about Nsync and she was so crazy about them that her walls in her bedroom were back to back Justin and Lance.  So, one day she declared she was going to show her love for them by getting their name tattooed over her heart.  I didn't take her seriously, but heaven knows I should have given her some advice.  Then, a week later, she comes by my house and, lo and behold, right over her left breast was the band's name.  Shocked and disturbed by this, the first words out of my mind were "Oh, my god, I should've stopped her."  Well, you can tell what happened to Nsync, folks.  So now she's got three kids of her own and I can't help but to laugh my ass off at the visual of her breast feeding her baby with the word "Nsync" permanently etched over her nipple.  Lesson here:  You may love them when you're 17, but when they break up and you've permanently inked them on you, you've got some explaining to do later in life to your kids.

  Now, Tattoos are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I am the proud bearer of eight tattoos.  All have meaning to them and I am proud of every single one of them.  But, my rule is to never get a name tattooed on me unless we have been together for a very long time and he eventually kicks the bucket.  I look forward to my future 9th tattoo in the future and encourage you all to look back on these two examples and think before you ink. 

  THINK BEFORE YOU INK!!!

You're Driving Me Crazy: Is It Love Or Infatuation?

  Last week, I swore that I would not think about Mr. Anonymous.  That promise to myself lasted about an hour.  He was on my mind when I went to bed at night and again when I woke in the morning.  I am getting extremely frustrated and angry at him for doing this to me.  I hate him right now, but then again I cannot help but to like the schmuck because he is on my mind. 

  This has led me to ask myself once again:  Is this mixed feelings of anger and fondess for Mr. Anonymous love that I am feeling, or is it Infatuation?  I am so confused about these feelings that I feel toward him and hope that he will, someday, realize how I feel about him.  If you read my previous post in regards to this matter, you will read why. 

  I know there is going to be a change in my life coming soon and I am doing as told and accepting that it will happen soon.  Maybe Mr. Anonymous is responsible for my change in my lifestyle and the way I feel.  Or, maybe, it is now my time to be happy and he is going to be part of that happiness that is to come my way.  When it will come is anybody's guess.  I accept whatever Fate has in store for me. 

  And now to Mr. Anonymous, can you get off my mind for a whole day, please?  I do not know whether this is love or infatutation!  So I need my space till I realize what this is I feel towards you.  So please, take a vacation from my mind...but not my heart.