Sitting Shiva

  I woke up this morning, despite my fatigue, and did not smell any coffee.  However, what I did wake up to was nothing good.  Nothing good at all.  I woke up to find that my paternal grandfather had passed away.  I was devastated and went to work with blood shot eyes and this weight on my shoulders.  A weight the size of the Empire State Building. I could not carry on despite the feeling of enduring.  I'm only human and I have my limits like everybody else.

  Although I am standing on wood, I feel that the wood beneath my feet has begun to degrade.  First, my grandfather, then both grandmothers and now my paternal grandfather.  Although it's not fair, I feel things happen for a reason.  God gives us things and then takes them away for a reason only because he loves us and wants us to learn. 

  To this, I just want to say, "God, I've learned enough already!  You've given me obesity and I've overcome it! You've given me heartache and I've learned to walk away from it!  You gave me strength and I am still learning how to wield it.  Please give me a break?!  But, I know that you mean well. You give me lessons despite the fact that I beg to learn no more.  But, to this, you tell me that I still must be given lessons on how to live life."

  I have endured so much over the 31 years I have lived on this Earth.  I have learned so much and have experienced so many wonderful and terrible things.  From each of these things, I am not the least bit sorry for going through.  Despite the pain I had to go through, I am grateful for the journey I had to take in order to stand again.  In layman's terms, I have ran the full measure, stumbled and gotten back on my feet.  I dusted myself off and carried on, still running.  For this, God, I thank you.

  Sitting Shiva might be considered to be just sitting on a couch without shoes and a tear in your clothes, but it means so much more.  When you lose someone you love, you are no longer wealthy.  Your Versace shoes mean nothing nor do your Christian Dior silk shirts. When someone you love passes,  you lose more than just a piece of yourself. You lose a bit of your spirit as well as your happiness.  

  My grandparents, both sides, will always be with me despite the fact that they are deceased. I will always keep them with me.  Their advice and wisdom will stay with me.  Forever.