You've Got No Business Wearing THAT!

  Jeff Foxworthy once did a segment in his act called "Redneck Fashion Tips."  And I've got to tell ya, some of the stuff he talked about is absolutely true about some people.  Certain people should not be allowed to wear certain pieces of clothing.  Now, certain things apply to me here as well so don't think I'm picking on you as I am picking on myself as well.  I am not in the best of shape, not gonna lie to ya.  I am not exactly a "hot body" as are a lot of people out there in this world.  I am here to represent those who were not born with that body look and what we should and should not be wearing. 

  First and foremost, I want to start with that little thing called "The G-String."  The only people that have any business wearing THAT are strippers who've got THAT body.  To those of us that weren't born that way, we better turn our heads in the direction of the briefs or boy shorts because we have no business wearing a G-String.  I mean, I know you're proud of your body and all but the sight of your ass wearing a G-string is frightening.  I went to Wal-Mart one day and I was getting some things and I noticed this woman, she was what Gabriel Iglesias would deem "Fluffy," and she was walking around and doing her grocery shopping.  She dropped something and bent over to get it.  She had on a G-String and my eyes widened to three times the size.  I was HORRIFIED!  And apparently I wasn't the only one who saw this.  As a matter of fact, three different people pointed at her and started whispering.  I can only imagine what was said.  This little incident prompted me to ask myself, "WHY Oh WHY did they let her out of the house wearing THAT?!"  I can understand being proud of your body but you've gone way too far!

  The next thing that is a big No No for me and others has got to be the Tube Top.  I wore these when I was a little kid, emphasis on "little."  Cute as a little kid, but if I were to wear it now I'd break mirrors and scare little kids.  Tube tops should only be worn by extremely skinny girls that are at the beach.  I would not be caught DEAD in a tube top nor should any mother of four with stretch marks with a baby in one arm and a corn dog in the other.  It's highly disturbing, especially when she's got a bikini top on underneath it and you've got no business wearing THAT

  Another highly disturbing piece of clothing to me has got to be these young boys who wear their pants around their rear end, thus exposing their underwear.  Now, I find this to be the norm for black guys, but white guys.  PLEASE PULL 'EM UP!  Pull 'em up, belt 'em up and move on, White boy!  You've got no business wearing pants like THAT!  In addition, it's 2 o'clock in the morning and I've got to get up for work so do you mind lowering your BOOMIN' POUNDIN' TUNES, preferably in the OFF position.  You know where the button is!  Turn it off!  I'm trying to sleep! 

  And here is the original "Redneck Fashion Tips" guru himself.  Enjoy!