With this year, I vow to keep healthy and to not frequent any, and I do mean, ANY fast food establishments. I really, REALLY mean that. Hell! McDonald's has been out of my life longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries. Seriously! If I could compare my diet and lifestyle to anything, it would be that.
I find that eating at a fast food place such as McDonald's lowers us. It makes us incapable of cooking our own meals and having to rely on them as a "go to" for quickie meals. That's what I call the food prepared there. I call them "Quickie meals." It's prepared en masse! It's loaded with a bunch of shit that you CAN taste in an overdose-type quantity. It's disgusting! I would much rather eat a piece of Venison that has been cooked over an open fire that which has been made by a pile of cow manure than to eat something hurriedly cooked at McDonald's. That's saying A LOT!
Now I know McDonald's formed out of small humblings, but since then it has catered to the masses. Wordly masses. It has sold out to the entire world, literally. You can be lost in the Australian desert for days and you'd still find a frickin' McDonald's out there. They may have a limited menu, but you'd still find it. "Yeah, I've been out in Aborigine Country for about two months so I'll have a Big Mac and a Diet Coke! Thank yah!"
The one thing I am trying my hardest to quit has been Diet Coke. It is a friggin' BITCH to quit! When it comes to me and Diet Coke, we are like Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. We are AWESOME together, but a bitch to keep apart! In the case of this, I am Sid Vicious and the Diet Coke is Nancy Spungen. Eventually, I am going to wind up having to stab my Nancy in the friggin' stomach and watch it as it gradually dies off. It's going to wind up happening. I am going to turn around one day, take a sip and vomit it out. I am going to grow weary of the taste of chemicals, but it's going to happen gradually. It may not be today nor tomorrow nor next week, but it's going to be sometime in the year 2012. I vow to that! I vow to quit Diet Coke by the end of this new year coming! Hold me to this! Hold me to this! I will rid myself of this proverbial Nancy Spungen by 2013.
And another thing, I also vow to start eating far more vegetables than I'm already consuming. I eat far past my "5 A Day." As a matter of fact, I overshoot that estimate by a carrot or two...er, four. I cannot get enough of it! If I could eat a can of Pinto Beans a day, I would, but in this struggling economy I can only do half a can, thus forcing me to having to wrap a sheet of tin foil around the can so I can consume the leftovers the next day. Another vegetable I am addicted to has got to be garlic. Ohh, don't get me started...er, wait, you have! Being Italian, I grew up on garlic at a drug addicted level. I mean CRACK ADDICT level addicted. There was garlic in everything! Nowadays, if I eat something, if there's no garlic in it I won't eat it. I eat, drink, shit, spit, sweat and drink the shit for crying out loud! If you don't give me garlic, I go through withdrawal symptoms. Yes! That's how addictive garlic gets!
But, I digress...
There is one thing that keeps me going. This one thing has kept me steaming on from the time I took my first shit as an infant to where I am now. That one thing? Laughter. Laughing has kept me going for the longest, longest time. Give me a good laugh and I will go on for a week and a half. The littlest things make me laugh. You slip on some black ice and fall on your ass, I will piss myself laughing at you. You blow a snot out of your nose and onto someone else's shirt, I will die laughing at you. If I have an inside joke that I find funny only unto myself, you will see me fall down in shits and giggles. Hell! Someone called up asking me if I knew the phone number of the company that made the "Pocket Pussy" and I fell down wetting myself with laughter. That's just how I am. Laughter keeps me trucking along. It's how I am and how I always will be. Laughter is nature's way of saying "Life's Too Short For You To Stress." With my cougar aunt...PFFT! She is a joke that can last a whole decade! Two, if it were to last, which I highly doubt because her Mother-In-Law is already giving her the Bends.
Now, I am not one for New Year's Resolutions, but this year it seems like I am strongly advised by my conscience to make them. So, here it goes...and in no particular order.
1) Lose a few pounds just like everybody else.
2) Stop procrastinating just like everybody else.
3) Give up Diet Coke just like...er, some people.
4) Do not frequent ANY fast food establishments just like some people.
5) Eat more vegetables than required just like...hmm, vegetarians.
6) Stop giving a shit about what people think about my logic.
7) Stop giving a shit about what people think about the way I look.
8) Speak my mind whenever possible, which is becoming an "all the time" practice.
9) Bring out the Sam Kinison/George Carlin side of me whenever necessary. This also has become an "all the time" practice.
10) Grow my hair
So there you have it, folks! I vow to do these ten things and stick to them. Hell! I am just getting started!
Now, I leave you with this video from the King! The ultimate King! Elvis Presley. Because my time hasn't come yet, baby, but when it does my heart will know.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Velma's Dating Proviso
I never really dated much and gave it and men a break for a while for a reason. To reiterate my story, I was in a relationship and it was twisted and toxic. So I got the hell out of it before things got worse. I had to before I found myself backed into a corner and contemplating suicide. I chose life! Thank god!
I am going to give this whole dating and relationships thing another try. I have a feeling that in the end I will find someone and I will be happy with the end result. I just needed to take a breather and regroup. Now, I have tried almost all the online dating services out there and it...it just doesn't work out! I either go and meet them and they either not what I'm looking for or they just stand me up and I don't see them at all.
If you wish to take me out on a date, let it be known to you men out there that I am a pretty easy person to please. However, I am not one for fancy restaurants and lovey dovey cutsy wootsy stuff. That's for wusses! I like to be spontaneous and just hang out with the boys. If you want to include your friends, you are more than welcome to bring me into the fold. I like that! I like to be considered one of the boys and to be friends with my man's friends. I just like spontaneity, good times and laughs. That's that.
So, make note of this:
1) Spontaneity
2) Good Times
3) Laughs
4) Doing Unexpected Stuff At the Last Minute
Intimacy will happen, but only after a series of dates and getting to know each other better. I am not THAT easy! Then again, when we're ready we will tell each other.
However, if you and I feel like things aren't working out, you better damn well tell me so. I got left in the dark in my last relationship and you know how that turned out. In addition, DO NOT STAND ME UP! I had gotten quite used to guys standing me up on dates. Please do not do this to me! I do not need another check mark in my "Stood Up" book. It's too full to begin with.
Now with that said, if you know a single guy (between the ages of 30 to 38) who likes the above in a woman, send him my way or set us up. With our permission, of course. In addition, and these are optional, he must like the paranormal, rock concerts, Def Leppard and hate cutsy wootsy lovey dovey stuff.
Until then, I will continue praying and thinking positive thoughts. Okay...Inhaling...
I am going to give this whole dating and relationships thing another try. I have a feeling that in the end I will find someone and I will be happy with the end result. I just needed to take a breather and regroup. Now, I have tried almost all the online dating services out there and it...it just doesn't work out! I either go and meet them and they either not what I'm looking for or they just stand me up and I don't see them at all.
If you wish to take me out on a date, let it be known to you men out there that I am a pretty easy person to please. However, I am not one for fancy restaurants and lovey dovey cutsy wootsy stuff. That's for wusses! I like to be spontaneous and just hang out with the boys. If you want to include your friends, you are more than welcome to bring me into the fold. I like that! I like to be considered one of the boys and to be friends with my man's friends. I just like spontaneity, good times and laughs. That's that.
So, make note of this:
1) Spontaneity
2) Good Times
3) Laughs
4) Doing Unexpected Stuff At the Last Minute
Intimacy will happen, but only after a series of dates and getting to know each other better. I am not THAT easy! Then again, when we're ready we will tell each other.
However, if you and I feel like things aren't working out, you better damn well tell me so. I got left in the dark in my last relationship and you know how that turned out. In addition, DO NOT STAND ME UP! I had gotten quite used to guys standing me up on dates. Please do not do this to me! I do not need another check mark in my "Stood Up" book. It's too full to begin with.
Now with that said, if you know a single guy (between the ages of 30 to 38) who likes the above in a woman, send him my way or set us up. With our permission, of course. In addition, and these are optional, he must like the paranormal, rock concerts, Def Leppard and hate cutsy wootsy lovey dovey stuff.
Until then, I will continue praying and thinking positive thoughts. Okay...Inhaling...
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Cutting It In Half
I read in the news today that Mel Gibson has just settled his divorce from his first wife, Robin. Now, the whole thing about them being married for 31 years kind of shocked me because Hollywood marriages don't have a great reputation in the longevity department. Then again, the Privacy department is not too well either. But what truly shocked me was what she got in the end: the former Mrs. Gibson walked away with HALF of what Mr. Gibson owns! Mel was worth $850 MILLION dollars, therefore she got $425 million dollars. How did this happen? There was no Pre-Nuptial Agreement when they first got married. So now you can say Mel Gibson is half the man he used to be, both monetarily and figuratively.
Eddie Murphy once discussed this subject of having to give half when a relationship ends in his comedy special "Raw." I am just reiterating on what he said back then. This material is not new, just being re-told.
I believe that this subject of wanting half in a demised relationship all depends on how good things were between them. Half the time, I take the woman's side of things. The other half, I am on the opposite end. Yes, I do sympathize with men sometimes because they have to put up with a lot of shit that us women dish out to them.
For example, if you were married for a long time to your man and you accumulated your assets (both physically and monetarily) by working together, this is where I feel you have a sense of entitlement. You worked hard by doing it together and then the relationship ends. You're both now working in the private sector, so to speak. However, you both worked for it and now you two must work out who gets what. Whose name is on the house you two shared? Who has to move out and find a place of their own? Who is going to run the business? Are you going to run it together? All that jazz! Now, depending if the relationship ended, be it amicable or angrily, depends on how things are dished out. This is where the above story applies. When Mel beat that gold digger's behind, Robin came to his aid and defended him. Now why Mel let her get away is between them and is absolutely none of my business.
Another example is when someone who acquired their wealth on their own and they hook up with someone who has wealth of their own. Things end between them and then one or the other feel they are ENTITLED to the other's wealth. This is where I am split down the middle. I feel that if you've got enough to get by on your own, don't seek any financial support whatsoever from your significant ex. Child support is perfectly fine, if you have them. But this "spousal support" bullshit, COME ON! He or she supported you enough when you were together! Why the hell do you think you're entitled to a "paycheck" now that you're no longer together? Most common excuse: To keep up with the lifestyle I'm accustomed to. PFFT! You got your own money, maintain your lifestyle with THAT!
Next example, and this one makes me so sick that I have to hold back the urge to vomit. Someone (almost always a man) who has acquired his wealth on his own gets together with someone who doesn't have anything. The relationship ends and now the person who didn't bring anything into the relationship to begin with wants HALF of what the other person has. To this I must ask you "WHY?!" You came with nothing and now you're going back to that state. Hey, unless this person decides that you deserve a "Consolation Stipend," then you are no way entitled to HALF of their stuff. So put down that box of HIS stuff, grab whatever clothes you had on your back when you came in and get out! This is where I side with men a lot of the time.
I, for one, know I am going to someday enter this institution. I definitely know I will be a great wife. I'm supportive, faithful, loving and we all know I have a great sense of humor. I can also cook without having to burn the house down. But, the one thing I want in my future Mr. Velma is that he loves what he does as an occupation and can include me in some of the things he does. I want him to be able to let me hang out with his friends. Why? Because they've known him longer and I want to get some "dirt" on him as well. If you don't take out that trash right now, I am going to put on that Carpenters song you love to sing out loud inside your car on the way to work. I'm sneaky that way!
I would add in Sex, but that's something that should be done once or twice in a while and with great urgency. It should also end with two huge smiles!
Eddie Murphy once discussed this subject of having to give half when a relationship ends in his comedy special "Raw." I am just reiterating on what he said back then. This material is not new, just being re-told.
I believe that this subject of wanting half in a demised relationship all depends on how good things were between them. Half the time, I take the woman's side of things. The other half, I am on the opposite end. Yes, I do sympathize with men sometimes because they have to put up with a lot of shit that us women dish out to them.
For example, if you were married for a long time to your man and you accumulated your assets (both physically and monetarily) by working together, this is where I feel you have a sense of entitlement. You worked hard by doing it together and then the relationship ends. You're both now working in the private sector, so to speak. However, you both worked for it and now you two must work out who gets what. Whose name is on the house you two shared? Who has to move out and find a place of their own? Who is going to run the business? Are you going to run it together? All that jazz! Now, depending if the relationship ended, be it amicable or angrily, depends on how things are dished out. This is where the above story applies. When Mel beat that gold digger's behind, Robin came to his aid and defended him. Now why Mel let her get away is between them and is absolutely none of my business.
Another example is when someone who acquired their wealth on their own and they hook up with someone who has wealth of their own. Things end between them and then one or the other feel they are ENTITLED to the other's wealth. This is where I am split down the middle. I feel that if you've got enough to get by on your own, don't seek any financial support whatsoever from your significant ex. Child support is perfectly fine, if you have them. But this "spousal support" bullshit, COME ON! He or she supported you enough when you were together! Why the hell do you think you're entitled to a "paycheck" now that you're no longer together? Most common excuse: To keep up with the lifestyle I'm accustomed to. PFFT! You got your own money, maintain your lifestyle with THAT!
Next example, and this one makes me so sick that I have to hold back the urge to vomit. Someone (almost always a man) who has acquired his wealth on his own gets together with someone who doesn't have anything. The relationship ends and now the person who didn't bring anything into the relationship to begin with wants HALF of what the other person has. To this I must ask you "WHY?!" You came with nothing and now you're going back to that state. Hey, unless this person decides that you deserve a "Consolation Stipend," then you are no way entitled to HALF of their stuff. So put down that box of HIS stuff, grab whatever clothes you had on your back when you came in and get out! This is where I side with men a lot of the time.
I, for one, know I am going to someday enter this institution. I definitely know I will be a great wife. I'm supportive, faithful, loving and we all know I have a great sense of humor. I can also cook without having to burn the house down. But, the one thing I want in my future Mr. Velma is that he loves what he does as an occupation and can include me in some of the things he does. I want him to be able to let me hang out with his friends. Why? Because they've known him longer and I want to get some "dirt" on him as well. If you don't take out that trash right now, I am going to put on that Carpenters song you love to sing out loud inside your car on the way to work. I'm sneaky that way!
I would add in Sex, but that's something that should be done once or twice in a while and with great urgency. It should also end with two huge smiles!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Let's Talk Paranormal! Part Three: EVPs
This area of paranormal investigating has got to be one of my absolute favorites. The reason why it's my favorite is because I find it to be a lot of fun sitting in the dark with a digital recorder or two and being able to ask questions. When I started out, one of the first things I bought was a digital recorder. I remember testing it out, making sure I knew what buttons to push.
Now, the first lesson I learned was that with Electronic Voice Phenomenon, or EVP, is that it is a "hit or miss" deal. Sometimes, you capture a crystal clear voice, sometimes you just get dead air. I know some people sit for hours trying to capture an EVP, but get absolutely nowhere. Some investigations that I've been on, I've done just short five to ten minute sessions and have gotten some pretty good stuff.
The rules I learned when doing an EVP session is to always, ALWAYS tag if I move or say anything. I learned this the hard way at the Stanley Hotel in Room 418 and Zak Bagans reprimanded me for it. Sorry, Zak. Now, thanks to this rule, any time I walk, sniff, move my butt, whatever, I always say "Tag walking, farting, sniffling, etc."
Plus, you have to have a lot of patience. That's just me saying. You can't just ask one or two questions and move on. You've got to be willing to sit five, ten minutes or more. Plus, do an immediate review soon after. You never know what you might catch. After the investigation, note your time and review it further. You never know, you could've captured a Class A.
Aside from Zak, Nick and Aaron, the other people that I have learned a lot from in regards to EVPs are Mark and Debby Constantino, who capture EVPs like no one else in the world. A great example of their work has got to be the EVP they caught inside the Goldfield Hotel basement. This is a fantastic example of a Class A EVP that I've ever seen.
So, follow these rules that I've learned. When you've got it down, make it a habit.
Now, the first lesson I learned was that with Electronic Voice Phenomenon, or EVP, is that it is a "hit or miss" deal. Sometimes, you capture a crystal clear voice, sometimes you just get dead air. I know some people sit for hours trying to capture an EVP, but get absolutely nowhere. Some investigations that I've been on, I've done just short five to ten minute sessions and have gotten some pretty good stuff.
The rules I learned when doing an EVP session is to always, ALWAYS tag if I move or say anything. I learned this the hard way at the Stanley Hotel in Room 418 and Zak Bagans reprimanded me for it. Sorry, Zak. Now, thanks to this rule, any time I walk, sniff, move my butt, whatever, I always say "Tag walking, farting, sniffling, etc."
Plus, you have to have a lot of patience. That's just me saying. You can't just ask one or two questions and move on. You've got to be willing to sit five, ten minutes or more. Plus, do an immediate review soon after. You never know what you might catch. After the investigation, note your time and review it further. You never know, you could've captured a Class A.
Aside from Zak, Nick and Aaron, the other people that I have learned a lot from in regards to EVPs are Mark and Debby Constantino, who capture EVPs like no one else in the world. A great example of their work has got to be the EVP they caught inside the Goldfield Hotel basement. This is a fantastic example of a Class A EVP that I've ever seen.
So, follow these rules that I've learned. When you've got it down, make it a habit.
To Selena Quintanilla
Selena, I was a young girl myself when your life was taken unfairly and untimely. To the person who took you from this world I wish that that whatever goes around come around. You are forever an angel and an icon to all of us...
Thursday, December 22, 2011
What I Want For Chrismukkah?
People sometimes ask me this question, but then again others ask me what I want for Christmas. When I tell people that I celebrate something called "Chrismukkah" they look at me as though I have something on the corner of my mouth. Some will ask me what that is and then I have to explain myself.
I am a product of an Interfaith relationship. My father is Jewish and my mother is Catholic. Yeah, quite the mix! As a child, my mother never divulged this information to me until I turned 12 years old. Time for my Confirmation, right? Not exactly! You're gonna get your Bat Mitzvah first and then your Confirmation. This was a shocking moment for me! Someone who went to a Catholic church, attended a Catholic school and went through all the Catechisms and is expected to make her Confirmation gets this Matzoh Bomb dropped on her. I now had to learn Hebrew, read the Torah, get a Tallit (prayer shawl) and have this huge party that was attended by mostly Catholics and one Rabbi. Oh, and there was also a Catholic priest there too! Talk about a Clash of The Religious Titans.
Now, Catholics celebrate Christmas while those of the various stages of Judaism celebrate Hanukkah. From the age of about 16 on up, I began to combine the two and thus my Chrismukkah tradition was born. So I now have a Christmas tree and a menorah out every single holiday season. So I have one holiday where I find myself paying a huge friggin' electric bill and one holiday where I am saving money on said bill.
Christmas, I get a multitude of gift, but only on one day.
Hanukkah, I get a gift for eight days.
Christmas, we celebrate with Spiral Ham, Lasagna or some sort of Italian cheese dish. Hanukkah, we get latkes, mozzarella sticks and anything which you can deep fry in oil.
Christmas, we celebrate by playing with presents we'll eventually grow bored with and no longer play with.
Hanukkah, we play with dreidels for eight days until we get bored with it on the third day.
Christmas, we watch the 24 hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" on TBS.
Hanukkah, we watch every single movie made by Adam Sandler, including "Eight Crazy Nights."
Christmas, we celebrate the birth of our dear savior.
Hanukkah, we celebrate the miracle of oil lasting more than the one night.
Christmas, we go to Midnight Mass.
Hanukkah, we go to the Friday Night Shabbat at the Temple.
And with all these different things comes the big "C" word: Confusion! It's around this time of year that I get so confused that I don't know whether to string lights on the Menorah or light the first Tree.
People would tell me why not just celebrate one or the other. Here's my answer: I am being respectful towards my parents' religion and it would kill me for them to know I chose one over the other. And now I made it obvious that I got the Jewish Guilt Slinging from my father's side of the family. Oy vey!
So I celebrate Chrismukkah and now what do I want? Nothing. I already got it! My GAC Family and Friends. I got Ghost Adventures Crew, Darkness Radio, Jeff Belanger, Chris Fleming, Mark and Debby Constantino, Aaron Sagers and more. Just your friendships is all I want. Oh, and a shopping spree at Barney's New York. And a second MINI Cooper, preferably a Convertible. But I'm going to let Santa Claus take care of that bit.
I am a product of an Interfaith relationship. My father is Jewish and my mother is Catholic. Yeah, quite the mix! As a child, my mother never divulged this information to me until I turned 12 years old. Time for my Confirmation, right? Not exactly! You're gonna get your Bat Mitzvah first and then your Confirmation. This was a shocking moment for me! Someone who went to a Catholic church, attended a Catholic school and went through all the Catechisms and is expected to make her Confirmation gets this Matzoh Bomb dropped on her. I now had to learn Hebrew, read the Torah, get a Tallit (prayer shawl) and have this huge party that was attended by mostly Catholics and one Rabbi. Oh, and there was also a Catholic priest there too! Talk about a Clash of The Religious Titans.
Now, Catholics celebrate Christmas while those of the various stages of Judaism celebrate Hanukkah. From the age of about 16 on up, I began to combine the two and thus my Chrismukkah tradition was born. So I now have a Christmas tree and a menorah out every single holiday season. So I have one holiday where I find myself paying a huge friggin' electric bill and one holiday where I am saving money on said bill.
Christmas, I get a multitude of gift, but only on one day.
Hanukkah, I get a gift for eight days.
Christmas, we celebrate with Spiral Ham, Lasagna or some sort of Italian cheese dish. Hanukkah, we get latkes, mozzarella sticks and anything which you can deep fry in oil.
Christmas, we celebrate by playing with presents we'll eventually grow bored with and no longer play with.
Hanukkah, we play with dreidels for eight days until we get bored with it on the third day.
Christmas, we watch the 24 hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" on TBS.
Hanukkah, we watch every single movie made by Adam Sandler, including "Eight Crazy Nights."
Christmas, we celebrate the birth of our dear savior.
Hanukkah, we celebrate the miracle of oil lasting more than the one night.
Christmas, we go to Midnight Mass.
Hanukkah, we go to the Friday Night Shabbat at the Temple.
And with all these different things comes the big "C" word: Confusion! It's around this time of year that I get so confused that I don't know whether to string lights on the Menorah or light the first Tree.
People would tell me why not just celebrate one or the other. Here's my answer: I am being respectful towards my parents' religion and it would kill me for them to know I chose one over the other. And now I made it obvious that I got the Jewish Guilt Slinging from my father's side of the family. Oy vey!
So I celebrate Chrismukkah and now what do I want? Nothing. I already got it! My GAC Family and Friends. I got Ghost Adventures Crew, Darkness Radio, Jeff Belanger, Chris Fleming, Mark and Debby Constantino, Aaron Sagers and more. Just your friendships is all I want. Oh, and a shopping spree at Barney's New York. And a second MINI Cooper, preferably a Convertible. But I'm going to let Santa Claus take care of that bit.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Do I Wanna Be The Pot or The Kettle?
I just recently made plans to go through my Backstreet Boys memorabilia as part of my New Year’s resolutions to clean up the garage. I had managed to find just two boxes of stuff but I know there’s a third floating around somewhere in there. Yeah, I was THAT in love with them that I showed my support by shelling out hundreds upon thousands of dollars for merchandising that my mother said would soon collect dust. Now I guess you can say that I told you so because that is exactly what it is doing right now.
Just a few days ago, I managed to look into one of those boxes and peruse my stash of BSB. I had cups, toys and bags from the big promotion Burger King had for the guys. I had these things that once played music, but the batteries have long since died. Then, I looked further and found I actually had in an old cigarette wrapper encased in a PICTURE FRAME clippings of HAIR! I had to laugh and ask myself, “WHY?! What the hell did I pay for THIS?!”
Here’s the story. When I was a teenager back in the 90s, the big thing at the time were boy bands. Now, there were two major armies: Backstreet Boys and ‘Nsync. I was a Major General in the Backstreet Boys army. I was such a hardcore fan that they were on my notebooks, Trapper Keepers and my text books. I had so many posters of them in my room that it actually came to be considered wallpaper. It got so bad that it overflowed onto my bathroom walls. One day, my uncle came over to use the bathroom and he later told me he felt awkward about taking a piss while Kevin Richardson was staring at his junk. I still laugh about that moment to this day.
It just occurred to me that any future offspring I may have is going to, someday, inherit all this stuff. I’ve basically already started to collect on stuff that I am going to eventually unload on my children. If I have more than one child, I am going to have a hard time choosing which child I unload this stuff on when they’re adults.
“I bequeath my Backstreet Boys memorabilia to my son, Milton!”
“Aww, dude, mom really did not like you!”
“Shut up, Thornton! You weren’t exactly mom’s favorite either! She left you her collection of Barbie dolls!”
“You’ve got a point there.”
Yeah, I also have a collection of Barbie dolls, which are the only dolls I own because they are not so creepy and because it’s been my mother’s tradition every Christmas to gift me a Barbie doll or two.
Now that I am a bit older and wiser, I am going to one day have to endure my eventual child’s latest pop obsession and reprimand her about it. And then herein lies the question, “Do you want to be the Pot or the Kettle?” So if you have kids that did what I did, think back on your teen years and ask yourself said question. Yeah, it’s a Vicious Cycle.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
It's All About Music
Let me just start off by saying that I love music. I love all kinds of music! I grew up watching the ORIGINAL MTV. Gladly, I do not watch today's version of MTV. In my opinion, I think MTV should change its name to Shit Reality Television (SRTV) because that is what it has evolved into. I used to watch Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, JJ Jackson (RIP), Martha Quinn and Alan Hunter. Now I cannot stand to turn on MTV without hearing the sob stories and drama of "Teen Moms." To this I want to scream, 'WHERE'S THE FUCKING MUSIC?!" Geez!
And you can forget about VH1 too! They, too, sold their souls to the Ratings devil and have given us "Love and Hip Hop" and "Flavor of Love." Now, I am not going to lie to you but I did watch "Flavor of Love" for two and a half seasons. Why, you ask? I love comedy, what can I say?
But I digress...
I love music and I've grown up around all types of music. But, I am a huge fan of the following genre: Metal.
Let's start with metal. My uncle was the first to introduce me to the genre. One day, he took me to a record store and got me my first 45. Here I was, four years old and I'm buying my very record and what did I pick out? Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel Da Noize." I go, pay for it, take it home and BOOM! My life changed forever. Goodbye, nursery rhymes. Hello, Quiet Riot! My first concert I ever went to occured in September 1988. Def Leppard/Queensryche. A friend of my aunt's backed out at the last minute. Mom had to go out. Grandparents were in Atlantic City (as usual). Uncles were out of town. She had to watch me so why not subject me to an extreme form of babysitting, defy the family and take me to a concert.
So we get there and the place was packed to the gills so my aunt was hanging onto me for dear life. So we get there and the concert started out with Queensryche. And then on came Def Leppard! Here's where my love of the band began with that first concert. Their music blew my mind away! But I was even more blown further away by Rick Savage's hair! It...was...the shit! It was big! It was perfect! And man, did it frighten the life out of me! Hey, I was 7! I had never seen hair that big before in my life.
I have been a fan eversince! I am hooked and, if you even attempt to tell that "What has nine arms and sucks" joke, I am going to have to kick your ass!
But I am open to listening to just about any type of music there is. I have been listening to a lot of Electronic and Dubstep. I have DJ friends who do mixes and I cannot help but to download them, burn them onto CDs and blare them in my car. And I do mean BLARE them to the point where my windows shake. Want to know what would be cool? A dubstep mix all about me! I would love that for my birthday. The Velma Dubstep Mix!
Now going to go listen to some more.
And you can forget about VH1 too! They, too, sold their souls to the Ratings devil and have given us "Love and Hip Hop" and "Flavor of Love." Now, I am not going to lie to you but I did watch "Flavor of Love" for two and a half seasons. Why, you ask? I love comedy, what can I say?
But I digress...
I love music and I've grown up around all types of music. But, I am a huge fan of the following genre: Metal.
Let's start with metal. My uncle was the first to introduce me to the genre. One day, he took me to a record store and got me my first 45. Here I was, four years old and I'm buying my very record and what did I pick out? Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel Da Noize." I go, pay for it, take it home and BOOM! My life changed forever. Goodbye, nursery rhymes. Hello, Quiet Riot! My first concert I ever went to occured in September 1988. Def Leppard/Queensryche. A friend of my aunt's backed out at the last minute. Mom had to go out. Grandparents were in Atlantic City (as usual). Uncles were out of town. She had to watch me so why not subject me to an extreme form of babysitting, defy the family and take me to a concert.
So we get there and the place was packed to the gills so my aunt was hanging onto me for dear life. So we get there and the concert started out with Queensryche. And then on came Def Leppard! Here's where my love of the band began with that first concert. Their music blew my mind away! But I was even more blown further away by Rick Savage's hair! It...was...the shit! It was big! It was perfect! And man, did it frighten the life out of me! Hey, I was 7! I had never seen hair that big before in my life.
I have been a fan eversince! I am hooked and, if you even attempt to tell that "What has nine arms and sucks" joke, I am going to have to kick your ass!
But I am open to listening to just about any type of music there is. I have been listening to a lot of Electronic and Dubstep. I have DJ friends who do mixes and I cannot help but to download them, burn them onto CDs and blare them in my car. And I do mean BLARE them to the point where my windows shake. Want to know what would be cool? A dubstep mix all about me! I would love that for my birthday. The Velma Dubstep Mix!
Now going to go listen to some more.
To Love Is Easy, Forgiving Is Hard
Last year, when I changed my life and broke all ties with my ex-boyfriend, I swore that I would never forgive him for the heartbreak and hurt he'd put me through. I had a life to lead and all that stuff was put into the back of my mind. I figured that was the end of that.
But then, about a month ago, he sends me an e-mail and I was very surprised because I specifically told him to never contact me again. And he did it around Thanksgiving, which made it even more stressful. So, I bit the bullet and sent him an angry e-mail back, telling him that I had moved on and that it was very obvious that he hadn't. So I sent it.
But then it came to me as I was turning to leave my home office and go back to working on the menu for Thanksgiving dinner. My conscience, which in no way looks like Jiminy Crickett, spoke to me.
"You want to show that he isn't going to win? Forgive him! See what happens."
So, I turned around and went back to the computer and wrote him another e-mail, forgiving him for all that he did to me. Sent! I won this round and I haven't heard from him since. Just the way I like it!
Now I no longer feel angry and I have that sense of moving forward. Now, on with my life!
But then, about a month ago, he sends me an e-mail and I was very surprised because I specifically told him to never contact me again. And he did it around Thanksgiving, which made it even more stressful. So, I bit the bullet and sent him an angry e-mail back, telling him that I had moved on and that it was very obvious that he hadn't. So I sent it.
But then it came to me as I was turning to leave my home office and go back to working on the menu for Thanksgiving dinner. My conscience, which in no way looks like Jiminy Crickett, spoke to me.
"You want to show that he isn't going to win? Forgive him! See what happens."
So, I turned around and went back to the computer and wrote him another e-mail, forgiving him for all that he did to me. Sent! I won this round and I haven't heard from him since. Just the way I like it!
Now I no longer feel angry and I have that sense of moving forward. Now, on with my life!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Let's Talk Paranormal! Part Two: Local Legends and Haunts
When I got into Paranormal Investigating, the first thing I did was look into local legends and haunts. So, I consulted my local library and found some books that deal with local legends and haunts. My first read, "The Jersey Devil," took me into the Pine Barrens where I live. Here's the story about this long-standing New Jersey legend.
A woman by the name of "Mother Leeds" was a supposed witch who, while giving birth to her 13th child and she screamed out "Let it be the devil." And she gave birth to a son named Lucas. It was either immediately or soon after that Lucas developed into a devil-like creature and soon flew off. And here is where the legend begins. The legend stayed within the state until 1909 when sightings of the Jersey Devil began to explode and, to this day, this is still the most well-known spree of sightings.
For further information, I recommend "The Jersey Devil" by James F. McCloy and Ray Miller, Jr.
The Jersey Devil
Another location that I have gone to, but have not had the chance to investigate formally, was one that I had been going to for years, but never knew to be haunted. That place is Arthur's Tavern in Hoboken, New Jersey. While famous for their steaks and good times, here in lies a classic case of a haunting. One story is that a distraught waitress, full of grief and wanting to end her life where her friends and not her family would find her body, hung herself from the top floor where a spiral staircase is located.
In addition to "The Woman in White," there is also the apparition of an ugly, bearded man with a scowling look upon his face that has been seen on the second floor by the employees and managers. The vision of this spectre was so scary that a dishwasher quit over this.
For more information on New Jersey haunts, I recommend "New Jersey Haunts" by Elias Zwillenberg.
New Jersey Haunts
This is why it is key to investigate locally before you investigate other legendary haunted locations. It is very, very essential to start out small before you "Go Big" in a sense. And remember: Research, Research, RESEARCH! It is very essential that you study up and do all the proper research prior to an investigation. Consult your local library and do accurate fact checking prior to investigating.
Keep an eye out next Monday for the next "Let's Talk Paranormal!" Subject to be decided.
A woman by the name of "Mother Leeds" was a supposed witch who, while giving birth to her 13th child and she screamed out "Let it be the devil." And she gave birth to a son named Lucas. It was either immediately or soon after that Lucas developed into a devil-like creature and soon flew off. And here is where the legend begins. The legend stayed within the state until 1909 when sightings of the Jersey Devil began to explode and, to this day, this is still the most well-known spree of sightings.
For further information, I recommend "The Jersey Devil" by James F. McCloy and Ray Miller, Jr.
The Jersey Devil
Another location that I have gone to, but have not had the chance to investigate formally, was one that I had been going to for years, but never knew to be haunted. That place is Arthur's Tavern in Hoboken, New Jersey. While famous for their steaks and good times, here in lies a classic case of a haunting. One story is that a distraught waitress, full of grief and wanting to end her life where her friends and not her family would find her body, hung herself from the top floor where a spiral staircase is located.
In addition to "The Woman in White," there is also the apparition of an ugly, bearded man with a scowling look upon his face that has been seen on the second floor by the employees and managers. The vision of this spectre was so scary that a dishwasher quit over this.
For more information on New Jersey haunts, I recommend "New Jersey Haunts" by Elias Zwillenberg.
New Jersey Haunts
This is why it is key to investigate locally before you investigate other legendary haunted locations. It is very, very essential to start out small before you "Go Big" in a sense. And remember: Research, Research, RESEARCH! It is very essential that you study up and do all the proper research prior to an investigation. Consult your local library and do accurate fact checking prior to investigating.
Keep an eye out next Monday for the next "Let's Talk Paranormal!" Subject to be decided.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Growin' Up 80s!
It seems that the best decade ever is coming back in a huge way. It's coming back in music, fashion, television, etc. It's all over and...I'm kinda liking it. Now, I was born in 1981 so I came in a little at the beginning of this great decade. When I look around now and I see all these trends, I start to remember things. For instance, I went to an event recently and there were these two girls dressed in leotards, head bands and leg warmers. Oh, my god! I remember when almost every teenaged girl in my neighborhood wore that stuff!
However, as is with anything coming back into popularity, in comes some stuff we wish would've stayed in the decade it came from. Here are some things from the 80s I wish would just have stayed in the 80s.
1) Rubik's Cube. When this came out in the 80s, everybody clamored to get one and see if they can solve it. Some people could solve it in just minutes, but for most the end result was it being thrown across countless rooms and even through windows. I remember everyone in my household trying to solve it only to get so frustrated they all screamed "FUCK THIS!" and threw it to the next person in line. To this day, I still cannot solve it!
2) Legwarmers. As I said, I remember every teenaged girl wearing these. However, that was then, this is now. It was trendy then, but now you look completely ridiculous! Take them off and deliver them back to 1985 IMMEDIATELY!
3) The Mullet. **Disgruntled sigh** This should've stayed in the 80s, but, tragically it has festered and spread to trailer parks all over the South and even had a cult following when it was sported by Billy Ray Cyrus in the 1990s.
4) Wearing socks and heels at the same time. My mom tried to do this in the 1980s and it was an abject failure. I tried it last week and I looked like a frickin' moron. Ugh!
I also began to notice that today's Pop Culture is repeating almost everything that happened in the 80s. This year saw the marriage of Prince William to Kate Middleton. 30 years before, his father, Prince Charles, married his mother, Lady Diana Spencer. In the 1980s, everybody was obsessed with getting rich and working on Wall Street. Today, we still are obsessed with being rich, but in this trying Economy, we are forced to OCCUPY WALL STREET rather than work there.
Another trend I've noticed is in the music industry. Back in the 1980s, Madonna came onto the scene and changed fashion, causing every teenaged girl and young woman to dress in slutty outfits and put a fake mole above their lips. Today, it's Lady Gaga and she didn't change fashion, she turned it upside down and every teenaged girl and young woman are now wearing heel-less shoes and Diet Coke cans in their hair. Michael Jackson became the King of Pop in the 80s. Today, now that he is gone, that seat is being vied for. Sorry, but Michael Joseph Jackson will forever be the King of Pop and there will be no talk of filling his role as The King of Pop. Move on!
The 80s was a kick ass time that has given us so many wonderful musical acts, fashion trends and had even given birth to the Age of Gaming. We have the 80s to thank for so many things that are part of our society today. Laptops, Cell Phones, Computers, the list is endless. So, as my way of paying tribute, I will post my top five BEST Music Memories from said era. Enjoy!
However, as is with anything coming back into popularity, in comes some stuff we wish would've stayed in the decade it came from. Here are some things from the 80s I wish would just have stayed in the 80s.
1) Rubik's Cube. When this came out in the 80s, everybody clamored to get one and see if they can solve it. Some people could solve it in just minutes, but for most the end result was it being thrown across countless rooms and even through windows. I remember everyone in my household trying to solve it only to get so frustrated they all screamed "FUCK THIS!" and threw it to the next person in line. To this day, I still cannot solve it!
2) Legwarmers. As I said, I remember every teenaged girl wearing these. However, that was then, this is now. It was trendy then, but now you look completely ridiculous! Take them off and deliver them back to 1985 IMMEDIATELY!
3) The Mullet. **Disgruntled sigh** This should've stayed in the 80s, but, tragically it has festered and spread to trailer parks all over the South and even had a cult following when it was sported by Billy Ray Cyrus in the 1990s.
4) Wearing socks and heels at the same time. My mom tried to do this in the 1980s and it was an abject failure. I tried it last week and I looked like a frickin' moron. Ugh!
I also began to notice that today's Pop Culture is repeating almost everything that happened in the 80s. This year saw the marriage of Prince William to Kate Middleton. 30 years before, his father, Prince Charles, married his mother, Lady Diana Spencer. In the 1980s, everybody was obsessed with getting rich and working on Wall Street. Today, we still are obsessed with being rich, but in this trying Economy, we are forced to OCCUPY WALL STREET rather than work there.
Another trend I've noticed is in the music industry. Back in the 1980s, Madonna came onto the scene and changed fashion, causing every teenaged girl and young woman to dress in slutty outfits and put a fake mole above their lips. Today, it's Lady Gaga and she didn't change fashion, she turned it upside down and every teenaged girl and young woman are now wearing heel-less shoes and Diet Coke cans in their hair. Michael Jackson became the King of Pop in the 80s. Today, now that he is gone, that seat is being vied for. Sorry, but Michael Joseph Jackson will forever be the King of Pop and there will be no talk of filling his role as The King of Pop. Move on!
The 80s was a kick ass time that has given us so many wonderful musical acts, fashion trends and had even given birth to the Age of Gaming. We have the 80s to thank for so many things that are part of our society today. Laptops, Cell Phones, Computers, the list is endless. So, as my way of paying tribute, I will post my top five BEST Music Memories from said era. Enjoy!
There Is Nothing Good On TV Anymore!
Within this day in age of computer technology and the WWW super highway, it seems that the rage that was the television is gradually losing its luster. What was once the zenith of the 20th century is being left in the dust of the Smartphone-using 21st century. However, every now and then, when I do look at the stuff that is on the television, I am finding that I am only watching the following: "Ghost Adventures," Food Network, the occasional episodes of the CSI series and whatever "World's Dumbest" is churning out on TruTV. I have become disillusioned with what is being put onto TV these days. It's become nothing but a breeding ground for half-hearted reality shows, remakes and fodder churned out by Yes Men writers for television production companies.
In this year alone, EIGHTY-SIX television shows have either gotten chopped or have bowed out gracefully. I will now give you examples of shows that have done the following.
1) Big Love. I love Bill Paxton! He is an incredible actor. I loved him when he played Simon in "True Lies" and Fred Haise in "Apollo 13." But, when he played Bill in this wonderful, and sorely missed, HBO series, he had me convinced right off the bat that he was a polygamist living in Utah, hoping to give his sister wives and children a better life without being detected whilst dealing with his very much extended family that is out to destroy him. At least that's MY take on things. This show is an example of bowing out gracefully. And the ending left me sad because Bill's character was revealed to have died at the end. Tragic.
2) Charlie's Angels. This show is an example of revamping an otherwise classic TV show. However, in this case, ABC assumed it could cash in on the late great Farrah Fawcett's death by digging up the show that made her a star...for one season. Yeah, Farrah left Charlie's Angels after one season, but she came back in the third and even appeared in the fourth. Sorry, but can you please stop messing with my childhood for ratings?! The only exception I make in the revamping department is "Hawaii Five-O."
3) The Playboy Club. I have nothing against Hugh Hefner. He revolutionized the way we live, especially in the Bedroom Department and defined cool in a lot of ways. Now, back in the day, they had such clubs and it was soon exposed and toppled by Gloria Steinem and the Feminist Movement. The show brought up old wounds of the past and I think that is the reason why it got the axe after one episode. They didn't want to risk stirring up that Hornet's nest again.
4) Hannah Montana. NO! SAY IT AIN'T SO!! Yes, to those of you out there who did not know this, but Miley Cyrus and her dad are moving on to greener pastures. However, those pastures are in the land of Music. Thank god! Now, I only caught a few shows and even downloaded one of her songs. Yeah, even I fell under the spell of Miley-Mania for a while there! But, then again, if you have seen the tabloids you will understand why this show went away. Broken Marriages and, to be quite honest, she's growing up and so are the rest of her fans.
5) The Paul Reiser Show. Yeah, even I had no idea that he was staging a comeback, either. Guess that's why it was cancelled after two episodes because everyone was too busy paying attention to Kim Kardashian's wedding to catch the big premiere. Enough said.
6) All My Children. Now that Susan Lucci finally won her Emmy, one of the longest running soap operas is now going to retire from the screen. And guess who still doesn't care that it's gone? Any guesses??
7) House of Payne. This was a show that I enjoyed for some time and was shocked to hear that it, too, was 86-ed. I love Tyler Perry! He writes some great stuff! I just loved "Madea's Family Reunion!" Especially the part where the woman who was getting beat up by her fiance finally got his comeuppance when she threw RED HOT Grits at him and beat the living shit out of him with a cast iron skillet. "Gritball"! YES! But, I digress... I blame the Economy on this cancellation.
In conclusion, Television is not what it used to be any more. It has now been swallowed up by Teen Moms, Dancing with Stars, Celebrity Rehabs and the Kardashians. That is why everybody is online today because the once beloved Boob Toob has been swallowed up by Phony Reality. It's Official! TV has been declared legally DEAD!
In this year alone, EIGHTY-SIX television shows have either gotten chopped or have bowed out gracefully. I will now give you examples of shows that have done the following.
1) Big Love. I love Bill Paxton! He is an incredible actor. I loved him when he played Simon in "True Lies" and Fred Haise in "Apollo 13." But, when he played Bill in this wonderful, and sorely missed, HBO series, he had me convinced right off the bat that he was a polygamist living in Utah, hoping to give his sister wives and children a better life without being detected whilst dealing with his very much extended family that is out to destroy him. At least that's MY take on things. This show is an example of bowing out gracefully. And the ending left me sad because Bill's character was revealed to have died at the end. Tragic.
2) Charlie's Angels. This show is an example of revamping an otherwise classic TV show. However, in this case, ABC assumed it could cash in on the late great Farrah Fawcett's death by digging up the show that made her a star...for one season. Yeah, Farrah left Charlie's Angels after one season, but she came back in the third and even appeared in the fourth. Sorry, but can you please stop messing with my childhood for ratings?! The only exception I make in the revamping department is "Hawaii Five-O."
3) The Playboy Club. I have nothing against Hugh Hefner. He revolutionized the way we live, especially in the Bedroom Department and defined cool in a lot of ways. Now, back in the day, they had such clubs and it was soon exposed and toppled by Gloria Steinem and the Feminist Movement. The show brought up old wounds of the past and I think that is the reason why it got the axe after one episode. They didn't want to risk stirring up that Hornet's nest again.
4) Hannah Montana. NO! SAY IT AIN'T SO!! Yes, to those of you out there who did not know this, but Miley Cyrus and her dad are moving on to greener pastures. However, those pastures are in the land of Music. Thank god! Now, I only caught a few shows and even downloaded one of her songs. Yeah, even I fell under the spell of Miley-Mania for a while there! But, then again, if you have seen the tabloids you will understand why this show went away. Broken Marriages and, to be quite honest, she's growing up and so are the rest of her fans.
5) The Paul Reiser Show. Yeah, even I had no idea that he was staging a comeback, either. Guess that's why it was cancelled after two episodes because everyone was too busy paying attention to Kim Kardashian's wedding to catch the big premiere. Enough said.
6) All My Children. Now that Susan Lucci finally won her Emmy, one of the longest running soap operas is now going to retire from the screen. And guess who still doesn't care that it's gone? Any guesses??
7) House of Payne. This was a show that I enjoyed for some time and was shocked to hear that it, too, was 86-ed. I love Tyler Perry! He writes some great stuff! I just loved "Madea's Family Reunion!" Especially the part where the woman who was getting beat up by her fiance finally got his comeuppance when she threw RED HOT Grits at him and beat the living shit out of him with a cast iron skillet. "Gritball"! YES! But, I digress... I blame the Economy on this cancellation.
In conclusion, Television is not what it used to be any more. It has now been swallowed up by Teen Moms, Dancing with Stars, Celebrity Rehabs and the Kardashians. That is why everybody is online today because the once beloved Boob Toob has been swallowed up by Phony Reality. It's Official! TV has been declared legally DEAD!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
They Do This To Drive Me Crazy On Purpose!
Did you ever have one of those days where everyone and everything seem to do the above subject matter? I have had those kinds of days when it seems everyone and everything is doing crap to me deliberately. In addition to the people I live with, it is also complete strangers and a few friends. I will now give you a run down of the things that I think were done to me deliberately to drive me crazy, piss me off and caused me to scream (I won some awesome investigating gear for my last effort.)
One day, I left for work early and I was happy to get out of the house because my cougar aunt and her toddler boyfriend were driving me batty. I get about halfway towards my destination and I get behind the one car with that one driver who is going at two speeds: Slow and Stop. And no matter how hard I try to get around them, they deliberately slow up more on me causing me further ire and annoyance. Then they finally turn and this fruitcake doesn't turn his signal on until AFTER he makes the turn! Mr. Slow Ride was also slow to respond as well.
When I am shopping and I go to check out, I always make it a habit to have some change in my person just in case the few people ahead of me decide to "rob" the cashier of all the $1 and $5 bills with their amassed supply of $20, $50 and $100 bills. One night, I am at the mall and I am doing some shopping. So I go into this store and get whatever it is I need to get. I see that the line is long and when I finally am second in line, it happens! The person in front of me, who only had ONE item, proceeds to pay for their item...with a $100 bill! Then I hear it, "Sir, do you happen to have anything smaller?" The answer: No. The manager comes out and two more co-workers come out and attempted (not tried) to break the bill, but found that they did not have it in NONE of the other registers! I wasn't the only other person getting highly irritated, but others behind me as well. My patience was being tested and it was failing miserably! One person behind me even offered to make change for the strapped store clerks, but was refused. Then, they did the inevitable: They went to the store next to it to see if they can make change. ARGH! So I couldn't take it anymore and I left!
I inherited a lot of great stuff from my parents, but the one thing I inherited from my father was the inability to tolerate people's mispronouncing of words and having to correct them. That's genetics for ya! My mom is the biggest offender in this department. Both me and my dad correct her on a daily basis and I've got to say that my dad has gotten used to it and I am the one still adjusting. I went to ScareFest for the premiere book signing of Zak Bagans' book "Dark World" and I brought him something. Little good will gift. They were Nik-L-Nip Wax bottles. So, I'm waiting in the line and my turn came and I handed him the gift. Here's the enhanced conversation with the little EVPs from my mind.
Zak: Nik-Ill-Lips...? Nik-Er-Hips?
Me: **Laughing**
My mind: Zak, you're pissing me off! It's Nik-L-Nips, you IDIOT!!
Zak: Okay, Nickel Lips...**laughing**
Me: Yeah, whatever, dude **laughing**
My Mind: Ugh! I should've corrected him!
Now, I was not about to correct someone I like and care for so an exception had to be made. But, in this case, I think he was saying it deliberately to joke around with me. Love ya, Zak, thanks for the laugh!
One day, I left for work early and I was happy to get out of the house because my cougar aunt and her toddler boyfriend were driving me batty. I get about halfway towards my destination and I get behind the one car with that one driver who is going at two speeds: Slow and Stop. And no matter how hard I try to get around them, they deliberately slow up more on me causing me further ire and annoyance. Then they finally turn and this fruitcake doesn't turn his signal on until AFTER he makes the turn! Mr. Slow Ride was also slow to respond as well.
When I am shopping and I go to check out, I always make it a habit to have some change in my person just in case the few people ahead of me decide to "rob" the cashier of all the $1 and $5 bills with their amassed supply of $20, $50 and $100 bills. One night, I am at the mall and I am doing some shopping. So I go into this store and get whatever it is I need to get. I see that the line is long and when I finally am second in line, it happens! The person in front of me, who only had ONE item, proceeds to pay for their item...with a $100 bill! Then I hear it, "Sir, do you happen to have anything smaller?" The answer: No. The manager comes out and two more co-workers come out and attempted (not tried) to break the bill, but found that they did not have it in NONE of the other registers! I wasn't the only other person getting highly irritated, but others behind me as well. My patience was being tested and it was failing miserably! One person behind me even offered to make change for the strapped store clerks, but was refused. Then, they did the inevitable: They went to the store next to it to see if they can make change. ARGH! So I couldn't take it anymore and I left!
I inherited a lot of great stuff from my parents, but the one thing I inherited from my father was the inability to tolerate people's mispronouncing of words and having to correct them. That's genetics for ya! My mom is the biggest offender in this department. Both me and my dad correct her on a daily basis and I've got to say that my dad has gotten used to it and I am the one still adjusting. I went to ScareFest for the premiere book signing of Zak Bagans' book "Dark World" and I brought him something. Little good will gift. They were Nik-L-Nip Wax bottles. So, I'm waiting in the line and my turn came and I handed him the gift. Here's the enhanced conversation with the little EVPs from my mind.
Zak: Nik-Ill-Lips...? Nik-Er-Hips?
Me: **Laughing**
My mind: Zak, you're pissing me off! It's Nik-L-Nips, you IDIOT!!
Zak: Okay, Nickel Lips...**laughing**
Me: Yeah, whatever, dude **laughing**
My Mind: Ugh! I should've corrected him!
Now, I was not about to correct someone I like and care for so an exception had to be made. But, in this case, I think he was saying it deliberately to joke around with me. Love ya, Zak, thanks for the laugh!
A New Level of Crazy (The Ballad of Facebook)
EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! VELMA HAS DISCOVERED A NEW LEVEL OF CRAZY! And now that I have your attention, let's discuss this new level of crazy, shall we?
Way Past The Planet Formerly Known As Pluto Crazy. A woman calls up and asks for ANY information, both work and personal, on a certain actor on a daily basis. Now, how is this considered the above level? Well, first off, this is not a hormone-raging teenaged girl who wishes nothing more than this actor to take her virginity making these calls. It's definitely not a MILF! It's gone beyond the Cougar stage and into a whole different realm of "What The Fuck?!" It's a stage of womanhood I dub the "Sloth" stage. YES, for those of you wondering, it is an elderly woman that I am talking about. This woman is OBSESSED with this actor, who is about my age. Heaven forbid they met and she tried to flash him. "Hey, sugar, whatcha think of THESE?!" Now if I were this actor, I'd be like "HOLY SHIT! PUT THOSE THE FUCK AWAY!!!" and running in the opposite direction, despite the fact that the sight of such a horror blinded me for life.
I have an aunt who is a cougar and I abhor in such practices of Woman/Boy love. Now, older man and younger girl (aka Man/Girl) I can clearly understand because my dad is older than my mom. But not the Woman/Boy love thing. It's obscene! Please do not get me started on the whole Elderly woman/Boy, aka Sloth/Infant, scenario! I do not need one more thing giving me nightmares! Please shelve that idea away in the Classified section and, if you bring it to light for me, kill me afterwards! And if I should become a cougar in future, feel free to state my age and ask what the hell am I doing and slug me a few times to set the record straight.
TA-DA! And in the conception of this blog, I have come up with another new Level of Crazy and it is...
Too Many Questions Crazy. There is this person out there and they are OBSESSED with that one celebrity that they go to their Facebook page and proceed to ask them at an ad nauseum amount of THE MOST assanine of questions in hopes that they will get answered. In addition to being that fucking out there, they also go to great lengths to latch onto people on said social network only to steal their photographs of these people meeting that one celeb, cut them out of it and, via Photoshop, paste them in their place. Then they have the AUDACITY to claim the picture as their own.
Now this is where it gets fucking stupid. I have recently come to the decision to no longer post any of my photographs of this one celebrity because I have a sick, paranoid feeling that this person, or anyone who is allied with this hockey puck, will somehow take one of my pictures, download it and send it to this nut so she can hack it up and claim it as hers. Now I must deliver a message to these asshats on Facebook who do this and to the Allies whom they've conned into their game of lies and deceit.
HOW...DARE...YOU?! How dare you intrude on MY photographs, which I consider to be my visual memories of my meetings with this one celebrity! Because of you, I no longer post my photographs of my meeting him without having to live in fear of learning that either you or one of your friends STOLE it from me! I hate having to be told that a photograph from MY album is now sitting in yours and you're going about Facebook claiming it's yours. If YOU want to meet this person, pay for a ticket and go to an event! If you cannot afford to go, raise the funds! Otherwise, too bad! You are just going to have to live vicariously through a friend who did. Things sometimes are not meant to be and it's obvious that it wasn't meant for you for a reason. This a fact! Cold as it sounds, but I'm a realist extremist giving you a cold, hard dose of fact! Stop this shit here and now, or else you will be reported AND blocked! Then again, I've already done that judging from the questions I've seen you ask this one celebrity. So I've already gone ahead with my plan of "Damage Control" and you are not to friend nor follow me. I always check my friends list so if I see you're friends with them, they, too, will be blocked. Got it?! Now, FUCK OFF!!
I am Velma and I Approve This Message. Paid for by the "I Don't Give A Fuck" Foundation and Supporters for Velma.
Way Past The Planet Formerly Known As Pluto Crazy. A woman calls up and asks for ANY information, both work and personal, on a certain actor on a daily basis. Now, how is this considered the above level? Well, first off, this is not a hormone-raging teenaged girl who wishes nothing more than this actor to take her virginity making these calls. It's definitely not a MILF! It's gone beyond the Cougar stage and into a whole different realm of "What The Fuck?!" It's a stage of womanhood I dub the "Sloth" stage. YES, for those of you wondering, it is an elderly woman that I am talking about. This woman is OBSESSED with this actor, who is about my age. Heaven forbid they met and she tried to flash him. "Hey, sugar, whatcha think of THESE?!" Now if I were this actor, I'd be like "HOLY SHIT! PUT THOSE THE FUCK AWAY!!!" and running in the opposite direction, despite the fact that the sight of such a horror blinded me for life.
I have an aunt who is a cougar and I abhor in such practices of Woman/Boy love. Now, older man and younger girl (aka Man/Girl) I can clearly understand because my dad is older than my mom. But not the Woman/Boy love thing. It's obscene! Please do not get me started on the whole Elderly woman/Boy, aka Sloth/Infant, scenario! I do not need one more thing giving me nightmares! Please shelve that idea away in the Classified section and, if you bring it to light for me, kill me afterwards! And if I should become a cougar in future, feel free to state my age and ask what the hell am I doing and slug me a few times to set the record straight.
TA-DA! And in the conception of this blog, I have come up with another new Level of Crazy and it is...
Too Many Questions Crazy. There is this person out there and they are OBSESSED with that one celebrity that they go to their Facebook page and proceed to ask them at an ad nauseum amount of THE MOST assanine of questions in hopes that they will get answered. In addition to being that fucking out there, they also go to great lengths to latch onto people on said social network only to steal their photographs of these people meeting that one celeb, cut them out of it and, via Photoshop, paste them in their place. Then they have the AUDACITY to claim the picture as their own.
Now this is where it gets fucking stupid. I have recently come to the decision to no longer post any of my photographs of this one celebrity because I have a sick, paranoid feeling that this person, or anyone who is allied with this hockey puck, will somehow take one of my pictures, download it and send it to this nut so she can hack it up and claim it as hers. Now I must deliver a message to these asshats on Facebook who do this and to the Allies whom they've conned into their game of lies and deceit.
HOW...DARE...YOU?! How dare you intrude on MY photographs, which I consider to be my visual memories of my meetings with this one celebrity! Because of you, I no longer post my photographs of my meeting him without having to live in fear of learning that either you or one of your friends STOLE it from me! I hate having to be told that a photograph from MY album is now sitting in yours and you're going about Facebook claiming it's yours. If YOU want to meet this person, pay for a ticket and go to an event! If you cannot afford to go, raise the funds! Otherwise, too bad! You are just going to have to live vicariously through a friend who did. Things sometimes are not meant to be and it's obvious that it wasn't meant for you for a reason. This a fact! Cold as it sounds, but I'm a realist extremist giving you a cold, hard dose of fact! Stop this shit here and now, or else you will be reported AND blocked! Then again, I've already done that judging from the questions I've seen you ask this one celebrity. So I've already gone ahead with my plan of "Damage Control" and you are not to friend nor follow me. I always check my friends list so if I see you're friends with them, they, too, will be blocked. Got it?! Now, FUCK OFF!!
I am Velma and I Approve This Message. Paid for by the "I Don't Give A Fuck" Foundation and Supporters for Velma.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Let's Talk Paranormal! Part One: Spirits (aka Ghosts)
Alright, as a firm believer in the Paranormal, I am open to a lot of things and can be sllightly skeptic in some areas of this subject. I believe that there is some sort of life after death. That we are vessels containing this energy and that when we die we expel that energy in the form of a spirit. We can choose to move on into the next spiritual plane, whatever that might be, either Heaven or Hell. Or, we stay because we feel we have unfinished business or we are scared to move onto that other realm. Then there are those spirits who died trauma deaths (i.e. Murder, Suicide, etc.) that they are stuck in the places where they died.
I believe that spirits, or Ghosts, can be either residual, intelligent, negative or demonic. I have seen and experienced these spirits in various places. Thankfully, I have yet to experience a demonic spirit, but I have heard, seen and experienced the first three.
1) Residual: I have been a frequent visitor to Gettysburg since I took a class trip there at 15. I feel drawn to that town because of its history, but over the years felt like I may have lived there in a past life (The subject of past lives will be discussed in a future blog). During my many, many stays there, I have encountered many residuals. In the middle of the night, I could hear cannon fire or gun fire outside my room, which would wake me up and have me thinking "Whoa! What the heck is that?!" Now, half of these residuals I usually chalk up to being artillery from Carlisle Barracks, which is on the outskirts of Gettysburg. Lesson to Learn: Residuals can easily be debunked! Don't forget that!
2) Intelligent: My third official investigation took place at Ohio State Reformatory in Mansfield, Ohio. I was with a group of friends inside of a jail cell in the West Wing. I had my digital recorder in my back pocket, which was turned ON when I thought I had turned it OFF. One of my friends proceeded to ask the spirits questions. One question was "Do you not like women guards?" A friend joked back, "Or do you?" At that moment, I felt my recorder RISE out of my back pocket and the feeling of something giving my rear end a squeeze. Now, this was a prison and it made sense to me that I would experience something because these prisoners didn't encounter women when they were alive. So, I can honestly say that the squeezing of my butt was an obvious "YES!" to our question. Lesson to Learn: If you encounter intelligent spirits, don't show any fear! Don't scream, or else I will put my fist in your mouth or my foot up your ass!
3) Negative: My first visit to the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, CO. I had just visited a psychic and was told to draw what I saw or felt. So, I did so and sat on a couch in the lobby and began to draw what I felt. Then, something told me to go up to the fourth floor and try there. Using candy as a trigger object, I began to draw what I felt was there. However, suddenly I felt something enter my body and I broke down hysterically crying. Before I knew it, I was outside and my friends were trying to get whatever it was out of me. It took an hour or more and I came around. But whatever that spirit was I felt that it was a negative, sad one. Lesson to Learn: Stay grounded! Keep white sage, rosary beads, any holy relic, prayers, St. Michael with you at all investigations.
Footnote: My next "Let's Talk Paranormal!" will be next Monday. Subject to be decided.
I believe that spirits, or Ghosts, can be either residual, intelligent, negative or demonic. I have seen and experienced these spirits in various places. Thankfully, I have yet to experience a demonic spirit, but I have heard, seen and experienced the first three.
1) Residual: I have been a frequent visitor to Gettysburg since I took a class trip there at 15. I feel drawn to that town because of its history, but over the years felt like I may have lived there in a past life (The subject of past lives will be discussed in a future blog). During my many, many stays there, I have encountered many residuals. In the middle of the night, I could hear cannon fire or gun fire outside my room, which would wake me up and have me thinking "Whoa! What the heck is that?!" Now, half of these residuals I usually chalk up to being artillery from Carlisle Barracks, which is on the outskirts of Gettysburg. Lesson to Learn: Residuals can easily be debunked! Don't forget that!
2) Intelligent: My third official investigation took place at Ohio State Reformatory in Mansfield, Ohio. I was with a group of friends inside of a jail cell in the West Wing. I had my digital recorder in my back pocket, which was turned ON when I thought I had turned it OFF. One of my friends proceeded to ask the spirits questions. One question was "Do you not like women guards?" A friend joked back, "Or do you?" At that moment, I felt my recorder RISE out of my back pocket and the feeling of something giving my rear end a squeeze. Now, this was a prison and it made sense to me that I would experience something because these prisoners didn't encounter women when they were alive. So, I can honestly say that the squeezing of my butt was an obvious "YES!" to our question. Lesson to Learn: If you encounter intelligent spirits, don't show any fear! Don't scream, or else I will put my fist in your mouth or my foot up your ass!
3) Negative: My first visit to the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, CO. I had just visited a psychic and was told to draw what I saw or felt. So, I did so and sat on a couch in the lobby and began to draw what I felt. Then, something told me to go up to the fourth floor and try there. Using candy as a trigger object, I began to draw what I felt was there. However, suddenly I felt something enter my body and I broke down hysterically crying. Before I knew it, I was outside and my friends were trying to get whatever it was out of me. It took an hour or more and I came around. But whatever that spirit was I felt that it was a negative, sad one. Lesson to Learn: Stay grounded! Keep white sage, rosary beads, any holy relic, prayers, St. Michael with you at all investigations.
Footnote: My next "Let's Talk Paranormal!" will be next Monday. Subject to be decided.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
"Ghost Adventures" and Me
Last year, when my life was changing for the best, I took a trip to Washington DC with my mother. We were staying at the Willard Intercontinental Hotel, which is haunted by the spirit of Ulysses S. Grant. Now, my mother and I were a little nervous about staying there for that reason. So, we both went to bed and, of course, I could not sleep so I decided to watch television. I turn on the Travel Channel and, lo and behold, I came across the show "Ghost Adventures." I was hooked immediately and was awe-struck at how they went in with cameras blazing and pumped up for the lockdown.
Now, I've always believed in the ghosts and had my very first encounter at five years old. Here's the story. When I was five, my family and I lived in this house that was across the street from an empty warehouse. Now, I always thought that it was haunted and would often stay up late at night to see if I could see ghosts coming out of it. However, I had no idea that the ghost I would eventually see would be in my own home.
My uncle is a drummer and always kept his drum set inside the garage, which was downstairs. And I was always told to never play or mess with his kit because I would get into trouble. And me, being a little kid, I didn't listen work a fuck and would defy my family by playing on it. But it was one night when I was committing my act of defiance by playing on his drum kit. Then, I suddenly stopped and began to look around because I thought something was staring at me. Like I was being watched very, very closely. Then, I turned my head around to the garage door and I saw through the window something drop down. It had stringy hair and dead eyes and it was glaring at me. I freaked out, dropped the drum sticks and ran upstairs to get my grandfather. They all looked outside and inside for this and there was nothing there. They chalked that up to a vivid imagination and promptly sent me to a child therapist, thinking that I was also CRAZY!
Now, with that said, I was made to feel weird because I saw and believed in this stuff. And people would tell my family that I was a weird child and my family chastised me for this so much that I finally started to keep to myself. I stopped talking about it and went on to try and be a "normal" teenager and adult. But I still longed to explore this realm that I know to exist and to be able to show people "Hey, this is real!" But, I was scared to death to even speak of it without upsetting my family. And it really made me feel...angry, anxious that I could not talk about it.
It was also around this time I ended this with my ex that I discovered "Ghost Adventures" and it couldn't have come at a better time. I started to make friends on Facebook and Twitter and I got involved in my first paranormal society as an associate member and started out. I started out with legends in my home state before I finally took the "BIG STEP" and went to my first OFFICIAL investigation at The Stanley Hotel. And all is history!
"Ghost Adventures" is the best show out there right now and these four amazing guys do it full time. They are passionate about it and I love how they show the skeptics out there that this is real and that it's all around us. They are true to their word when they say "Extreme and Raw," they mean it. That is why I will be a loyal GAC supporter forever and always.
In addition, Zak, Aaron and Billy (I have yet to meet Nick) are the greatest and sweetest guys I have ever met. They aren't quiet and standoffish. They are fun people to hang around and be around. I've met them several times and each time has been a blast. I look forward to seeing them all again in the year of 2012 because I have now planned my entire vacation schedule around their events. I have Zak, Nick, Aaron, Billy, Dave, Jeff, Chris and Zory to thank for this. Thank you guys!
So, let's bring back some hysterical memories and watch some Vlogs!
http://www.mobypicture.com/user/AaronGoodwin/view/11378782
Now, I've always believed in the ghosts and had my very first encounter at five years old. Here's the story. When I was five, my family and I lived in this house that was across the street from an empty warehouse. Now, I always thought that it was haunted and would often stay up late at night to see if I could see ghosts coming out of it. However, I had no idea that the ghost I would eventually see would be in my own home.
My uncle is a drummer and always kept his drum set inside the garage, which was downstairs. And I was always told to never play or mess with his kit because I would get into trouble. And me, being a little kid, I didn't listen work a fuck and would defy my family by playing on it. But it was one night when I was committing my act of defiance by playing on his drum kit. Then, I suddenly stopped and began to look around because I thought something was staring at me. Like I was being watched very, very closely. Then, I turned my head around to the garage door and I saw through the window something drop down. It had stringy hair and dead eyes and it was glaring at me. I freaked out, dropped the drum sticks and ran upstairs to get my grandfather. They all looked outside and inside for this and there was nothing there. They chalked that up to a vivid imagination and promptly sent me to a child therapist, thinking that I was also CRAZY!
Now, with that said, I was made to feel weird because I saw and believed in this stuff. And people would tell my family that I was a weird child and my family chastised me for this so much that I finally started to keep to myself. I stopped talking about it and went on to try and be a "normal" teenager and adult. But I still longed to explore this realm that I know to exist and to be able to show people "Hey, this is real!" But, I was scared to death to even speak of it without upsetting my family. And it really made me feel...angry, anxious that I could not talk about it.
It was also around this time I ended this with my ex that I discovered "Ghost Adventures" and it couldn't have come at a better time. I started to make friends on Facebook and Twitter and I got involved in my first paranormal society as an associate member and started out. I started out with legends in my home state before I finally took the "BIG STEP" and went to my first OFFICIAL investigation at The Stanley Hotel. And all is history!
"Ghost Adventures" is the best show out there right now and these four amazing guys do it full time. They are passionate about it and I love how they show the skeptics out there that this is real and that it's all around us. They are true to their word when they say "Extreme and Raw," they mean it. That is why I will be a loyal GAC supporter forever and always.
In addition, Zak, Aaron and Billy (I have yet to meet Nick) are the greatest and sweetest guys I have ever met. They aren't quiet and standoffish. They are fun people to hang around and be around. I've met them several times and each time has been a blast. I look forward to seeing them all again in the year of 2012 because I have now planned my entire vacation schedule around their events. I have Zak, Nick, Aaron, Billy, Dave, Jeff, Chris and Zory to thank for this. Thank you guys!
So, let's bring back some hysterical memories and watch some Vlogs!
http://www.mobypicture.com/user/AaronGoodwin/view/11378782
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Twice the Woman I Used to Be
Looking back on the year, I have found myself a changed woman. I am a complete 180 of who I once was. For those of you who know me and those of you who have met me, I am quite the character. I have a bubbly personality and I am a kind, generous person who speaks her mind and I could care less what people think about what I say or do. It's not their concern. Now, I was never truly one to speak my mind nor did I tend to crack a joke around others. I was a complete opposite of the person I am now.
I was quiet, introverted and overweight, stuck in a corner in an abusive relationship with a married man. I never truly went anywhere but one place on vacation. I never had that many friends to hang out with. As a matter of fact, I didn't have friends at all. All I had was myself.
Then, in 2010, I began to change. I began to travel more and went to other places around the world. I took my first trip to London. Went to both Disney World and Disneyland. I was starting to reconnect with people from my teen years and hanging out with them more often. Thanks to the show "Ghost Adventures," I rediscovered my passion for the paranormal and began to seriously consider learning how to be a proper investigator.
However, one thing remained. My relationship with my still married "boyfriend." One day in September, I finally gathered up all the strength I had inside of me and broke it off with him. Although it was saddening to know that it was over, in truth, it had been over since he stood me up on my birthday. I should've ended it then, I know, but I still held on like an idiot because I THOUGHT I loved him.
Letting go was hard, but I adjusted and had my friends to back me up and encourage me to go on with my life. I just threw myself into paranormal investigating and meeting members of the GAC family at many public events, investigations and conventions. They are the reason I smile a hell of a lot more often. This has made me extremely happy and has helped me to heal from the abuse of that long gone relationship.
It has been 14 months to the day since I ended it all and got on with my life and I am happy to say that I am twice the woman I used to be. I am a whole different person. I am living life to the fullest and loving it all. Then, one day, I got an email from my ex, wanting to know how I was. I was extremely upset at first and then I came to an epiphany.
I am strong and I am loved. I do not need his "love" nor his "friendship." I am no longer his. I've moved on. But...I forgave him for all that he did. I did that to show him who the bigger person is in this situation. Haven't heard from him since. I think he finally got the hint.
Moving on to my next adventure...
I was quiet, introverted and overweight, stuck in a corner in an abusive relationship with a married man. I never truly went anywhere but one place on vacation. I never had that many friends to hang out with. As a matter of fact, I didn't have friends at all. All I had was myself.
Then, in 2010, I began to change. I began to travel more and went to other places around the world. I took my first trip to London. Went to both Disney World and Disneyland. I was starting to reconnect with people from my teen years and hanging out with them more often. Thanks to the show "Ghost Adventures," I rediscovered my passion for the paranormal and began to seriously consider learning how to be a proper investigator.
However, one thing remained. My relationship with my still married "boyfriend." One day in September, I finally gathered up all the strength I had inside of me and broke it off with him. Although it was saddening to know that it was over, in truth, it had been over since he stood me up on my birthday. I should've ended it then, I know, but I still held on like an idiot because I THOUGHT I loved him.
Letting go was hard, but I adjusted and had my friends to back me up and encourage me to go on with my life. I just threw myself into paranormal investigating and meeting members of the GAC family at many public events, investigations and conventions. They are the reason I smile a hell of a lot more often. This has made me extremely happy and has helped me to heal from the abuse of that long gone relationship.
It has been 14 months to the day since I ended it all and got on with my life and I am happy to say that I am twice the woman I used to be. I am a whole different person. I am living life to the fullest and loving it all. Then, one day, I got an email from my ex, wanting to know how I was. I was extremely upset at first and then I came to an epiphany.
I am strong and I am loved. I do not need his "love" nor his "friendship." I am no longer his. I've moved on. But...I forgave him for all that he did. I did that to show him who the bigger person is in this situation. Haven't heard from him since. I think he finally got the hint.
Moving on to my next adventure...
Kan't Keep Up With The Kardashians
I can see that these Kardashians are popular so I decided to go ahead and watch a couple episodes of the show in the past week. I watched it and I was like a dog listening to a high-pitched noise, head tilted and all. However, I had the look of utter disgust on my face. What are you watching here, people?! These people have immense wealth and it all started with a SEX TAPE?! Think about it! Your kids are admiring someone who opens up her legs and showed off her Lagoon of Mysteria to a frickin' camera!
Gee, I wonder how I can boost my reputation? I know how! By being MYSELF! I don't need to show my private, intimate moments in my bedroom with the man I love or currently care about in order to make money. My bedroom is like Las Vegas: What happens in there, stays in there. Do you honestly need to see me demonstrate the Downward Facing Ho position?! I think NOT!
Now, Kris and Bruce Jenner are not in my crosshairs. They're good people and all, but I am taking aim at the Main Event: Kim. Now, I hear gossip about her everywhere and even a whole lot more when she married Kris Humphries. When they got married, I had a lot of hope that maybe she'd settle down and disappear from the cover of People Weekly and In Touch for a while. Sadly, my wish did not come true. And 72 days later, she wanted a divorce. Sigh...here I go!
Kim, now I don't care if you married for love or you did it because your wallet was so fat that you decided to loosen it up a little by throwing it away on a fairy tale wedding to someone you only knew for five months. What pisses me off is that you stole headlines for your supposed fairytale wedding from something FAR FAR FAR more worthy than this. At first, I was going to consult FOX News, but I'm an open Liberal/Independent so I was not going to venture down that proverbial "Red Light District."
What did occur in that week? Let's just check the headlines here! Hmm...**licking thumb through pages** In Somalia, Muslims apparently have blocked food aid to starving Christians in a genocidal attempt. Thousands died because of this. In Iraq, a car bomb exploded outside a Syrian-Catholic Church, injuring 19. Hurricane Irene sweeps the East Coast, irritating and killing many people. In addition, delaying my friend's flight home.
The following was far more deserving of the front pages than your Fake As A Hooker's Orgasm Wedding, Kimster. Yeah, calling it as I see it, like it or not. If you were happy at first that you found your "Prince Charles" to your "Lady Diana Spencer," then I can understand. But you never have nor will you never be a "William and Kate." Chuck and Di were under pressure and not in love whereas Will and Kate ARE in love. Diana spent over ten years stuck in a situation she was married into and could not get out of without drastic measures, which would eventually cost her the most valuable thing: Her life. I nearly sacrificed my life for someone I thought I loved, but as it turns out never truly loved me in the first place. Thankfully, I broke away from it and have gone on to lead a very productive, blissfull life without thinking "When is he going to call?"
Kim, sweetie, you should've lifted the wool that was pulled over your eyes from the very nanosecond Kris slid that ring onto your finger. You should've told him, "I Can't I Need More Time." It sucks, but it's the truth. Lots and lots of people need more time to think about what they want before they enter into "Signing a deal with the Devil."
Regretfully, I am on the Kris side of things so I am just an ombudsman on this little sugar crystal of a matter. Kim, word to the wise, take the annulment. It will appear as if the 72 days have never happened and think of all the money you saved by switching to "Annulment-co." 15 days or more will save you on paying your car insurance.
P.S. The letter "K" has officially been nominated as my least favorite letter.
Gee, I wonder how I can boost my reputation? I know how! By being MYSELF! I don't need to show my private, intimate moments in my bedroom with the man I love or currently care about in order to make money. My bedroom is like Las Vegas: What happens in there, stays in there. Do you honestly need to see me demonstrate the Downward Facing Ho position?! I think NOT!
Now, Kris and Bruce Jenner are not in my crosshairs. They're good people and all, but I am taking aim at the Main Event: Kim. Now, I hear gossip about her everywhere and even a whole lot more when she married Kris Humphries. When they got married, I had a lot of hope that maybe she'd settle down and disappear from the cover of People Weekly and In Touch for a while. Sadly, my wish did not come true. And 72 days later, she wanted a divorce. Sigh...here I go!
Kim, now I don't care if you married for love or you did it because your wallet was so fat that you decided to loosen it up a little by throwing it away on a fairy tale wedding to someone you only knew for five months. What pisses me off is that you stole headlines for your supposed fairytale wedding from something FAR FAR FAR more worthy than this. At first, I was going to consult FOX News, but I'm an open Liberal/Independent so I was not going to venture down that proverbial "Red Light District."
What did occur in that week? Let's just check the headlines here! Hmm...**licking thumb through pages** In Somalia, Muslims apparently have blocked food aid to starving Christians in a genocidal attempt. Thousands died because of this. In Iraq, a car bomb exploded outside a Syrian-Catholic Church, injuring 19. Hurricane Irene sweeps the East Coast, irritating and killing many people. In addition, delaying my friend's flight home.
The following was far more deserving of the front pages than your Fake As A Hooker's Orgasm Wedding, Kimster. Yeah, calling it as I see it, like it or not. If you were happy at first that you found your "Prince Charles" to your "Lady Diana Spencer," then I can understand. But you never have nor will you never be a "William and Kate." Chuck and Di were under pressure and not in love whereas Will and Kate ARE in love. Diana spent over ten years stuck in a situation she was married into and could not get out of without drastic measures, which would eventually cost her the most valuable thing: Her life. I nearly sacrificed my life for someone I thought I loved, but as it turns out never truly loved me in the first place. Thankfully, I broke away from it and have gone on to lead a very productive, blissfull life without thinking "When is he going to call?"
Kim, sweetie, you should've lifted the wool that was pulled over your eyes from the very nanosecond Kris slid that ring onto your finger. You should've told him, "I Can't I Need More Time." It sucks, but it's the truth. Lots and lots of people need more time to think about what they want before they enter into "Signing a deal with the Devil."
Regretfully, I am on the Kris side of things so I am just an ombudsman on this little sugar crystal of a matter. Kim, word to the wise, take the annulment. It will appear as if the 72 days have never happened and think of all the money you saved by switching to "Annulment-co." 15 days or more will save you on paying your car insurance.
P.S. The letter "K" has officially been nominated as my least favorite letter.
If You Can't Fix Stupid, Can You Fix Crazy??
In recent months, I have been encountering nothing but crazy people gracing my path. Then, recently, it came to me. They say that you can't fix stupid. Does this apply to crazy, too? Well, the answer, in my honest opinion is, you can but it only deals with the symptoms and not the root cause. Because of all this madness and hysteria, and thanks to Gabriel Iglesias on this one, I have created a Levels of Crazy chart. I am now going to give you both a level and a story behind its conception...or inception. Whatever!
1) Completely and Utterly Immature. At an investigation at Ohio State Reformatory, I encountered this person who seemed okay, but was, in my opinion, the above level. One, she sang NINE drunken karaoke songs to get attention. Two, she rode around INSIDE of a shopping cart at the local Wal-Mart. Three, because two guys would not talk to her and refused her gift of beer, she began sniffling and crying like a 5-year-old with a skinned knee. Thank god, this person has been banned from future events and from my Facebook and Twitter life.
2) Extraordinarily Immature. Now, there's this person, who used to be a good friend of mine, but then I realized that she is turning everything that is being said to her as something to take personally. For instance, one day, she began to talk about someone having a girlfriend and it had upset me to the point where I had to actually start re-taking medication. When I told her that, she took it so personally that she created mass hysteria and that she no longer wanted to be on Facebook and created Shakespearean-In-Magnitude DRAMA that I had to pacify her and calm her down. Much to my annoyance. Finally, after confirming with others, it turned out she created nothing but DRAMA. In order to avoid further DRAMA from her, I had to unfriend and block her from my Facebook page. She would later go on to create DRAMA for my friend, causing her to do the same. Thus the inception (or conception) of this level.
3) Complete Nutters. Again going back to Ohio State Reformatory, I encountered this person whom I thought was friendly, seemed that way. As it turned out, her reputation, as far as I knew, had not yet preceded her. As a matter of fact, I think its flight was delayed that night. It wasn't until I told a friend about this person that I was told the true nature of the beast. This person claimed that she can read minds and was under the delusion that someone was in love with her and that another was jealous of this. Something completely untrue. Therefore, I had to unfriend, block and unfollow this person whom I thought was a friend, but turned out to be a con artist and the following titled Level of Crazy. Aftermath: She blamed my friend and at a recent investigation told vicious crap about me. Listen, BITCH, I know what you said and, if you cross my path, I am more than prepared to burn your ass for what you said. Love and light!
4) Off The Charts Nuts. This person I was friends with and thought I was doing something good. Turns out it backfired on me, or so it seemed. Turns out that she seemed to like the DRAMA and the attention of people feeling sorry for her. Munchausen-By Proxy at a different angle. I thought I was being friendly, but she soon turned out to be a proverbial demon whom others have blocked out because she had not only stolen from them but has made it all personal. In addition, this person has made threats of harming herself unless someone talked to her. There is something called a "social life" and it comes in handy. Therefore, you are given this Level of Crazy for a very good reason. Demon, BE GONE!
Now that you have read up on these four Levels of Crazy, please feel free to use them and start sorting out your Facebook or Twitter friends from these. And if I failed to call out any form of crazy, please comment.
1) Completely and Utterly Immature. At an investigation at Ohio State Reformatory, I encountered this person who seemed okay, but was, in my opinion, the above level. One, she sang NINE drunken karaoke songs to get attention. Two, she rode around INSIDE of a shopping cart at the local Wal-Mart. Three, because two guys would not talk to her and refused her gift of beer, she began sniffling and crying like a 5-year-old with a skinned knee. Thank god, this person has been banned from future events and from my Facebook and Twitter life.
2) Extraordinarily Immature. Now, there's this person, who used to be a good friend of mine, but then I realized that she is turning everything that is being said to her as something to take personally. For instance, one day, she began to talk about someone having a girlfriend and it had upset me to the point where I had to actually start re-taking medication. When I told her that, she took it so personally that she created mass hysteria and that she no longer wanted to be on Facebook and created Shakespearean-In-Magnitude DRAMA that I had to pacify her and calm her down. Much to my annoyance. Finally, after confirming with others, it turned out she created nothing but DRAMA. In order to avoid further DRAMA from her, I had to unfriend and block her from my Facebook page. She would later go on to create DRAMA for my friend, causing her to do the same. Thus the inception (or conception) of this level.
3) Complete Nutters. Again going back to Ohio State Reformatory, I encountered this person whom I thought was friendly, seemed that way. As it turned out, her reputation, as far as I knew, had not yet preceded her. As a matter of fact, I think its flight was delayed that night. It wasn't until I told a friend about this person that I was told the true nature of the beast. This person claimed that she can read minds and was under the delusion that someone was in love with her and that another was jealous of this. Something completely untrue. Therefore, I had to unfriend, block and unfollow this person whom I thought was a friend, but turned out to be a con artist and the following titled Level of Crazy. Aftermath: She blamed my friend and at a recent investigation told vicious crap about me. Listen, BITCH, I know what you said and, if you cross my path, I am more than prepared to burn your ass for what you said. Love and light!
4) Off The Charts Nuts. This person I was friends with and thought I was doing something good. Turns out it backfired on me, or so it seemed. Turns out that she seemed to like the DRAMA and the attention of people feeling sorry for her. Munchausen-By Proxy at a different angle. I thought I was being friendly, but she soon turned out to be a proverbial demon whom others have blocked out because she had not only stolen from them but has made it all personal. In addition, this person has made threats of harming herself unless someone talked to her. There is something called a "social life" and it comes in handy. Therefore, you are given this Level of Crazy for a very good reason. Demon, BE GONE!
Now that you have read up on these four Levels of Crazy, please feel free to use them and start sorting out your Facebook or Twitter friends from these. And if I failed to call out any form of crazy, please comment.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Follow You, Follow Me (The Ballad of Twitter)
I recently checked the number of times I've tweeted and I was astonished to see that I have, so far, tweeted and retweeted a grand total of 17,585 times. This count will grow, no doubt about it. I have to admit before that I wasn't much of a "Tweeter" until I became part of the awesome GAC Family and began to incessantly tweet. I even found myself tweeting at work and on my many adventures.
I love having members of the GAC Twitter family following me. I try my hardest and darndest to keep up with their tweets and I am happy to be followed, mentioned, shouted out and retweeted. I also try to do the same with those that follow me. I love that they show Zak, Nick, Aaron and Billy the love and respect that they deserve. I do the same as well.
However, if there is one thing I do not like at all, it has got to be those who follow me and others who are close to the guys just to ask them to ask Zak to follow them. For example, one Emmy Award winner had the absolute gall to include me in her tweet to Zak. Here's the story.
The Old Town San Diego episode. I had tweeted to the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas that they were mentioned in that episode. I got a reply back from them asking what Zak said. Much to my surprise, I got this on my feed:
Zak_Bagans: U gotta watch to find out ;-) RT@Cosmopolitan_LV @GH_Velma That's cool that @Zak_Bagans mentioned us on the show. What did he say?
Now, I was elated and acted like a teenaged girl at a Justin Bieber concert...for ten seconds! I'm 30 and I keep my age as well as my maturity in check. Now I had earlier that day had been given a #FollowFriday by Everyday with Rachael Ray Magazine because they had published one of my tweets in regards to chicken soup in the current issue. So now I was an officially published tweeter AND got a Retweet from Zak so my day as well as my night was rockin'! Then, the storm hit in the form of a mention from someone I do not follow. Here's what I got:
AnonymousTwitterFruitCake:@Zak_Bagans @Cosmopolitan_LV @GH_Velma Zak,it's going on 3am, and I'm still up trying for u to say hi to me.
This is where my annoyance had reached its peak. I was so annoyed that if my phone had been anywhere near me it would've gone through my television into my next door neighbor's house. Yeah, you can say I was THAT incensed that I was ready to throw something. It really grinded my gears.
Now, I do not mind you following me for my wonderful sense of humor and insights, but if you are following me in the hopes that I or others could ask other people to get Zak to follow them on Twitter, I am here to deal you the cold, hard reality. And I hope you don't unfollow and block me for being a realist extremist.
Have you looked at the number of people following Zak around? It's well over 183,000 people...worldwide! His choice is to follow 77 people. To follow that small amount of people was his choice and his alone. He can choose to follow whom he wants, retweet whoever he sees first on his eternally long Twitter feed and reply to those whose tweets he does and does not follow.
Do you really think you tweeting him...er, wait, strike that...Tweet BEGGING AND PLEADING him to follow you is really going to up your chances of a follow from him?? I think not! Now to be followed by him would be a great honor in my opinion, but he does not. If I want him to follow me, it will be because 1) He chose to voluntarily and 2) I've earned his respect enough to earn that follow from him. I am not going to act immature and beg him to follow me or else I will hold my breath like a 5 year old child who didn't get Bratz dolls for Christmas.
C'mon, are you mature or immature? A follow from Zak may be everybody's proverbial "Golden Ticket" but, in this case, 77 people got "Golden Tickets." Be a Charlie Bucket, not a Veruca Salt. Huffing, puffing, holding your breath and screaming "I Want it NOW!!" is only going to get you a one way ticket to "The Garbage Chute" (aka Being Blocked from Following). I have had to do this three times now and I would like not to make it more.
To my GAC Family, you have made a very big difference in my life and I love you all for it. I am particularly proud of the fact that I met one of my best friends in the world, Zory, the most incredible GAC Intern out there. I treasure my friendships and GAC Twitter family immensely. The last thing I want to do is to unfollow and block any of them because they decide to put their necks out there to ask me to ask Zory to ask Zak to follow them. Truth of the matter is I just won't do it, answer is no. In future, please keep this in mind. You can call me a bitch, a hater, anything you want. But the rule stands firm. Do not ask me this. I won't do it and no amount of begging will help. Margaret Thatcher said it best: This Lady is Not for Turning!
I love having members of the GAC Twitter family following me. I try my hardest and darndest to keep up with their tweets and I am happy to be followed, mentioned, shouted out and retweeted. I also try to do the same with those that follow me. I love that they show Zak, Nick, Aaron and Billy the love and respect that they deserve. I do the same as well.
However, if there is one thing I do not like at all, it has got to be those who follow me and others who are close to the guys just to ask them to ask Zak to follow them. For example, one Emmy Award winner had the absolute gall to include me in her tweet to Zak. Here's the story.
The Old Town San Diego episode. I had tweeted to the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas that they were mentioned in that episode. I got a reply back from them asking what Zak said. Much to my surprise, I got this on my feed:
Zak_Bagans: U gotta watch to find out ;-) RT
Now, I was elated and acted like a teenaged girl at a Justin Bieber concert...for ten seconds! I'm 30 and I keep my age as well as my maturity in check. Now I had earlier that day had been given a #FollowFriday by Everyday with Rachael Ray Magazine because they had published one of my tweets in regards to chicken soup in the current issue. So now I was an officially published tweeter AND got a Retweet from Zak so my day as well as my night was rockin'! Then, the storm hit in the form of a mention from someone I do not follow. Here's what I got:
AnonymousTwitterFruitCake:
This is where my annoyance had reached its peak. I was so annoyed that if my phone had been anywhere near me it would've gone through my television into my next door neighbor's house. Yeah, you can say I was THAT incensed that I was ready to throw something. It really grinded my gears.
Now, I do not mind you following me for my wonderful sense of humor and insights, but if you are following me in the hopes that I or others could ask other people to get Zak to follow them on Twitter, I am here to deal you the cold, hard reality. And I hope you don't unfollow and block me for being a realist extremist.
Have you looked at the number of people following Zak around? It's well over 183,000 people...worldwide! His choice is to follow 77 people. To follow that small amount of people was his choice and his alone. He can choose to follow whom he wants, retweet whoever he sees first on his eternally long Twitter feed and reply to those whose tweets he does and does not follow.
Do you really think you tweeting him...er, wait, strike that...Tweet BEGGING AND PLEADING him to follow you is really going to up your chances of a follow from him?? I think not! Now to be followed by him would be a great honor in my opinion, but he does not. If I want him to follow me, it will be because 1) He chose to voluntarily and 2) I've earned his respect enough to earn that follow from him. I am not going to act immature and beg him to follow me or else I will hold my breath like a 5 year old child who didn't get Bratz dolls for Christmas.
C'mon, are you mature or immature? A follow from Zak may be everybody's proverbial "Golden Ticket" but, in this case, 77 people got "Golden Tickets." Be a Charlie Bucket, not a Veruca Salt. Huffing, puffing, holding your breath and screaming "I Want it NOW!!" is only going to get you a one way ticket to "The Garbage Chute" (aka Being Blocked from Following). I have had to do this three times now and I would like not to make it more.
To my GAC Family, you have made a very big difference in my life and I love you all for it. I am particularly proud of the fact that I met one of my best friends in the world, Zory, the most incredible GAC Intern out there. I treasure my friendships and GAC Twitter family immensely. The last thing I want to do is to unfollow and block any of them because they decide to put their necks out there to ask me to ask Zory to ask Zak to follow them. Truth of the matter is I just won't do it, answer is no. In future, please keep this in mind. You can call me a bitch, a hater, anything you want. But the rule stands firm. Do not ask me this. I won't do it and no amount of begging will help. Margaret Thatcher said it best: This Lady is Not for Turning!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Out The Door Running
I love to travel. I just wish I could do it all the time. I mean, don't get me wrong, my job pays the bills and all, but I am gradually losing my love for it. I cannot be the person I am there. Enough said! But if I could travel for a living, I would be out the door running. I would take that job in a heart beat, Passport and a Smile in tow.
It would make me the happiest person in the world if I could travel and work at the same time. I would be just the happiest person ever! I want to work and be able to have adventure after adventure. Wonder if "Travel Channel" is looking for a new host?
That would be so cool! Think about it.
It would make me the happiest person in the world if I could travel and work at the same time. I would be just the happiest person ever! I want to work and be able to have adventure after adventure. Wonder if "Travel Channel" is looking for a new host?
That would be so cool! Think about it.
Why Should I Be Happy?
Don't get me wrong, everybody is entitled to do what makes them happy. In my cougar aunt's case, she chose to marry someone who is three years younger than ME! She is calling me "insanely jealous" because of this. Uhm, no, I am not. I am more annoyed with the fact that he is younger than I am and you're forcing upon me to call him UNCLE. If this makes you happy, fine, but don't expect me to be happy for you.
Why do I feel like this towards her? Well, it all goes back to my birth, literally. She has been jealous of me since day one because my mother (her sister) had someone to care for now and no longer needed my aunt around. This is where "Insanely Jealous" should apply. Since then, she has done things to make me unhappy and miserable. She ruined my birthday party by coming out wearing her bra over her shirt and a pair of gloves to dance with my friends. When I went to school that Monday, I was a laughing stock and no one wanted to be around me.
When I got into my teens, her "jealousy" escalated into physical confrontations with me. She would beat me up, pull my hair and call me all sorts of horrible things. I would try and fight back, but every single time the cops were called they'd put the blame on me rather than her. It made me and my mother angry that the cops didn't see what we saw. When I graduated from high school, she hit me and threw soda at me at my graduation dinner. I was humiliated in front of my family, friends and my school principal.
Now, as an adult, she still shows me nothing but misery and discord. When I got a new car, I asked her what she thought of it. She said "You don't deserve it!" and "I hope you're miserable in it." You can imagine how angry that made me. In addition, she beat on my mother, who was sick with cancer at the time.
I have come to the conclusion that the best thing in this situation would be to show her the same courtesy she's shown me: Misery and Discord. They say "Do unto others as you'd have done unto yourself" and that is exactly what I am going to do. Since she's shown me nothing but misery, I am going to return the favor and do the same thing. I am going to give her the cold shoulder the entire time. I didn't attend her wedding and I am not going to attend the reception either. Why should I be happy for her when she was rarely happy for me? That's that!
Why do I feel like this towards her? Well, it all goes back to my birth, literally. She has been jealous of me since day one because my mother (her sister) had someone to care for now and no longer needed my aunt around. This is where "Insanely Jealous" should apply. Since then, she has done things to make me unhappy and miserable. She ruined my birthday party by coming out wearing her bra over her shirt and a pair of gloves to dance with my friends. When I went to school that Monday, I was a laughing stock and no one wanted to be around me.
When I got into my teens, her "jealousy" escalated into physical confrontations with me. She would beat me up, pull my hair and call me all sorts of horrible things. I would try and fight back, but every single time the cops were called they'd put the blame on me rather than her. It made me and my mother angry that the cops didn't see what we saw. When I graduated from high school, she hit me and threw soda at me at my graduation dinner. I was humiliated in front of my family, friends and my school principal.
Now, as an adult, she still shows me nothing but misery and discord. When I got a new car, I asked her what she thought of it. She said "You don't deserve it!" and "I hope you're miserable in it." You can imagine how angry that made me. In addition, she beat on my mother, who was sick with cancer at the time.
I have come to the conclusion that the best thing in this situation would be to show her the same courtesy she's shown me: Misery and Discord. They say "Do unto others as you'd have done unto yourself" and that is exactly what I am going to do. Since she's shown me nothing but misery, I am going to return the favor and do the same thing. I am going to give her the cold shoulder the entire time. I didn't attend her wedding and I am not going to attend the reception either. Why should I be happy for her when she was rarely happy for me? That's that!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Earning Respect The Right Way (Open Scorn for Mariah Yeater)
In the years of my existence, it has come to my attention that there are two ways to earn a person's trust and respect: The Right Way and the Fast Way. The Right Way is how I've always done it. However, what I always thought to be the right way wasn't necessarily right. As a matter of fact, some of the times when I thought I was doing The Right Way it turned out I was doing the Fast Way. In the end, it turned out I was fooling myself.
For example, I met this guy and I thought he was the right one. So, I proceeded to do The Right Way of earning his trust and respect. However, it turned out that he was the wrong guy and everything I did to prove that I was Ms. Right were the wrong things. Turned out that he was only looking for a "fuck buddy" and was using and abusing my emotions. So I became trapped in a corner, in a sense, but in the process I found the strength to leave this relationship in the dust.
For those women out there who are in the same position that I was once in, if you are in an abusive relationship, it is time for you to stop telling yourself "He does it because he loves me" or "I don't have no one but him." Face it! He is not going to change his ways. PERIOD! Time to be strong, but selfish.
But, I digress...
I find that if you want a guy's trust and respect, then you have to do all the right things. Go the Right Way, not the Fast Way. I see these girls who see this really attractive guy and they are immediate back in his room doing the Mattress Mambo. The next day, they leave all angry and upset. Want to know why? You became what I, Velma, call a "Triple F." What does that stand for??
"F"ind 'em
"F"uck 'em
"F"orget 'em
The guy who gave you a thrill in the sack who enjoyed how much you faked the whole fucking thing now wants nothing to do with you because you stripped naked and spread your legs like room temperature butter for him. That is the Fast Way! And the Fast Way never, ever garners you the respect and trust that you crave.
The Fast Way is what a majority of women turn to in order to gain instant and brief respect. It's tragic! It's sickening! Above all, it's sad! Yet, I find myself in complete Schadenfreude (Amusement at other people's misfortunes) over it. I break into fits of hysterical laughter and have tears rolling down my eyes. I laugh at these stupid bitches because it's only a matter of time before word gets around that their reputations are damaged beyond repair.
CASE IN POINT: Mariah Yeater, the Bieb's Not Your Baby Daddy.
Did she ever get a clue in her empty skull that Justin Bieber was a minor before she played "Pin the Tail on the Baby Daddy?" I mean, what's next? A 35-year-old woman is going to come out and say Bieber did it with her for 45 seconds before giving her the brush off? C'mon! I can understand girls want to be with Justin, but this is taking it way too far.
So, I have a message for you, Mariah Yeater: Justin Bieber didn't have sex with you, get over it! You were never at his show and you weren't with him for 30 seconds! The child is not his! Your lawyer dumped your case because he saw you for what you truly were! You are nothing but a money hungry GIRL out for her own self and scared to death to tell the truth about your child's actual father! By you coming out and spreading such an incredible story, you have just opened yourself up into a world of hurt where 12-year-old girls want nothing more than to see you hang from a nearby tree! In addition, you will be going to jail, however briefly, for supposedly having sex with a minor!
With that said, now I am going to take a break.
For example, I met this guy and I thought he was the right one. So, I proceeded to do The Right Way of earning his trust and respect. However, it turned out that he was the wrong guy and everything I did to prove that I was Ms. Right were the wrong things. Turned out that he was only looking for a "fuck buddy" and was using and abusing my emotions. So I became trapped in a corner, in a sense, but in the process I found the strength to leave this relationship in the dust.
For those women out there who are in the same position that I was once in, if you are in an abusive relationship, it is time for you to stop telling yourself "He does it because he loves me" or "I don't have no one but him." Face it! He is not going to change his ways. PERIOD! Time to be strong, but selfish.
But, I digress...
I find that if you want a guy's trust and respect, then you have to do all the right things. Go the Right Way, not the Fast Way. I see these girls who see this really attractive guy and they are immediate back in his room doing the Mattress Mambo. The next day, they leave all angry and upset. Want to know why? You became what I, Velma, call a "Triple F." What does that stand for??
"F"ind 'em
"F"uck 'em
"F"orget 'em
The guy who gave you a thrill in the sack who enjoyed how much you faked the whole fucking thing now wants nothing to do with you because you stripped naked and spread your legs like room temperature butter for him. That is the Fast Way! And the Fast Way never, ever garners you the respect and trust that you crave.
The Fast Way is what a majority of women turn to in order to gain instant and brief respect. It's tragic! It's sickening! Above all, it's sad! Yet, I find myself in complete Schadenfreude (Amusement at other people's misfortunes) over it. I break into fits of hysterical laughter and have tears rolling down my eyes. I laugh at these stupid bitches because it's only a matter of time before word gets around that their reputations are damaged beyond repair.
CASE IN POINT: Mariah Yeater, the Bieb's Not Your Baby Daddy.
Did she ever get a clue in her empty skull that Justin Bieber was a minor before she played "Pin the Tail on the Baby Daddy?" I mean, what's next? A 35-year-old woman is going to come out and say Bieber did it with her for 45 seconds before giving her the brush off? C'mon! I can understand girls want to be with Justin, but this is taking it way too far.
So, I have a message for you, Mariah Yeater: Justin Bieber didn't have sex with you, get over it! You were never at his show and you weren't with him for 30 seconds! The child is not his! Your lawyer dumped your case because he saw you for what you truly were! You are nothing but a money hungry GIRL out for her own self and scared to death to tell the truth about your child's actual father! By you coming out and spreading such an incredible story, you have just opened yourself up into a world of hurt where 12-year-old girls want nothing more than to see you hang from a nearby tree! In addition, you will be going to jail, however briefly, for supposedly having sex with a minor!
With that said, now I am going to take a break.
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