EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! VELMA HAS DISCOVERED A NEW LEVEL OF CRAZY! And now that I have your attention, let's discuss this new level of crazy, shall we?
Way Past The Planet Formerly Known As Pluto Crazy. A woman calls up and asks for ANY information, both work and personal, on a certain actor on a daily basis. Now, how is this considered the above level? Well, first off, this is not a hormone-raging teenaged girl who wishes nothing more than this actor to take her virginity making these calls. It's definitely not a MILF! It's gone beyond the Cougar stage and into a whole different realm of "What The Fuck?!" It's a stage of womanhood I dub the "Sloth" stage. YES, for those of you wondering, it is an elderly woman that I am talking about. This woman is OBSESSED with this actor, who is about my age. Heaven forbid they met and she tried to flash him. "Hey, sugar, whatcha think of THESE?!" Now if I were this actor, I'd be like "HOLY SHIT! PUT THOSE THE FUCK AWAY!!!" and running in the opposite direction, despite the fact that the sight of such a horror blinded me for life.
I have an aunt who is a cougar and I abhor in such practices of Woman/Boy love. Now, older man and younger girl (aka Man/Girl) I can clearly understand because my dad is older than my mom. But not the Woman/Boy love thing. It's obscene! Please do not get me started on the whole Elderly woman/Boy, aka Sloth/Infant, scenario! I do not need one more thing giving me nightmares! Please shelve that idea away in the Classified section and, if you bring it to light for me, kill me afterwards! And if I should become a cougar in future, feel free to state my age and ask what the hell am I doing and slug me a few times to set the record straight.
TA-DA! And in the conception of this blog, I have come up with another new Level of Crazy and it is...
Too Many Questions Crazy. There is this person out there and they are OBSESSED with that one celebrity that they go to their Facebook page and proceed to ask them at an ad nauseum amount of THE MOST assanine of questions in hopes that they will get answered. In addition to being that fucking out there, they also go to great lengths to latch onto people on said social network only to steal their photographs of these people meeting that one celeb, cut them out of it and, via Photoshop, paste them in their place. Then they have the AUDACITY to claim the picture as their own.
Now this is where it gets fucking stupid. I have recently come to the decision to no longer post any of my photographs of this one celebrity because I have a sick, paranoid feeling that this person, or anyone who is allied with this hockey puck, will somehow take one of my pictures, download it and send it to this nut so she can hack it up and claim it as hers. Now I must deliver a message to these asshats on Facebook who do this and to the Allies whom they've conned into their game of lies and deceit.
HOW...DARE...YOU?! How dare you intrude on MY photographs, which I consider to be my visual memories of my meetings with this one celebrity! Because of you, I no longer post my photographs of my meeting him without having to live in fear of learning that either you or one of your friends STOLE it from me! I hate having to be told that a photograph from MY album is now sitting in yours and you're going about Facebook claiming it's yours. If YOU want to meet this person, pay for a ticket and go to an event! If you cannot afford to go, raise the funds! Otherwise, too bad! You are just going to have to live vicariously through a friend who did. Things sometimes are not meant to be and it's obvious that it wasn't meant for you for a reason. This a fact! Cold as it sounds, but I'm a realist extremist giving you a cold, hard dose of fact! Stop this shit here and now, or else you will be reported AND blocked! Then again, I've already done that judging from the questions I've seen you ask this one celebrity. So I've already gone ahead with my plan of "Damage Control" and you are not to friend nor follow me. I always check my friends list so if I see you're friends with them, they, too, will be blocked. Got it?! Now, FUCK OFF!!
I am Velma and I Approve This Message. Paid for by the "I Don't Give A Fuck" Foundation and Supporters for Velma.
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