I can see that these Kardashians are popular so I decided to go ahead and watch a couple episodes of the show in the past week. I watched it and I was like a dog listening to a high-pitched noise, head tilted and all. However, I had the look of utter disgust on my face. What are you watching here, people?! These people have immense wealth and it all started with a SEX TAPE?! Think about it! Your kids are admiring someone who opens up her legs and showed off her Lagoon of Mysteria to a frickin' camera!
Gee, I wonder how I can boost my reputation? I know how! By being MYSELF! I don't need to show my private, intimate moments in my bedroom with the man I love or currently care about in order to make money. My bedroom is like Las Vegas: What happens in there, stays in there. Do you honestly need to see me demonstrate the Downward Facing Ho position?! I think NOT!
Now, Kris and Bruce Jenner are not in my crosshairs. They're good people and all, but I am taking aim at the Main Event: Kim. Now, I hear gossip about her everywhere and even a whole lot more when she married Kris Humphries. When they got married, I had a lot of hope that maybe she'd settle down and disappear from the cover of People Weekly and In Touch for a while. Sadly, my wish did not come true. And 72 days later, she wanted a divorce. Sigh...here I go!
Kim, now I don't care if you married for love or you did it because your wallet was so fat that you decided to loosen it up a little by throwing it away on a fairy tale wedding to someone you only knew for five months. What pisses me off is that you stole headlines for your supposed fairytale wedding from something FAR FAR FAR more worthy than this. At first, I was going to consult FOX News, but I'm an open Liberal/Independent so I was not going to venture down that proverbial "Red Light District."
What did occur in that week? Let's just check the headlines here! Hmm...**licking thumb through pages** In Somalia, Muslims apparently have blocked food aid to starving Christians in a genocidal attempt. Thousands died because of this. In Iraq, a car bomb exploded outside a Syrian-Catholic Church, injuring 19. Hurricane Irene sweeps the East Coast, irritating and killing many people. In addition, delaying my friend's flight home.
The following was far more deserving of the front pages than your Fake As A Hooker's Orgasm Wedding, Kimster. Yeah, calling it as I see it, like it or not. If you were happy at first that you found your "Prince Charles" to your "Lady Diana Spencer," then I can understand. But you never have nor will you never be a "William and Kate." Chuck and Di were under pressure and not in love whereas Will and Kate ARE in love. Diana spent over ten years stuck in a situation she was married into and could not get out of without drastic measures, which would eventually cost her the most valuable thing: Her life. I nearly sacrificed my life for someone I thought I loved, but as it turns out never truly loved me in the first place. Thankfully, I broke away from it and have gone on to lead a very productive, blissfull life without thinking "When is he going to call?"
Kim, sweetie, you should've lifted the wool that was pulled over your eyes from the very nanosecond Kris slid that ring onto your finger. You should've told him, "I Can't I Need More Time." It sucks, but it's the truth. Lots and lots of people need more time to think about what they want before they enter into "Signing a deal with the Devil."
Regretfully, I am on the Kris side of things so I am just an ombudsman on this little sugar crystal of a matter. Kim, word to the wise, take the annulment. It will appear as if the 72 days have never happened and think of all the money you saved by switching to "Annulment-co." 15 days or more will save you on paying your car insurance.
P.S. The letter "K" has officially been nominated as my least favorite letter.
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